• Shit Happens

Before you write off this story as a crappy one, let me assure you that this one is about much more than shit.As a matter of fact… it is about cigarette.Cigarette... such an amazing invention!! Who could have ever imagined that just a roll of tobacco can be this popular down the line?It is said about a cigarette that, "It's a stick, with fire at one end and a fool at the other."I agree to some extent… however as soon as it touches my lips, all the feeling that I get is, "OH MY GOD!!!"

Sure she has been my comrade through thick and thin...Sometimes I wondered how teetotalers managed without her.Well... like many smokers, I too have always wanted to quit this inclination since ages now, but had failed miserably.A month back, I took a firm stand... "No more smoking from tomorrow!" The date was 30th March 2006... I reached office at 9am, my resolution still going strong.10am, enter Shravan... "Hey buddy, my cousin had come over from Indore last evening. Look what he forgot to take back with him..."Saying this, he handed over a packet of MARLBORO-LIGHTS."I hope this is your brand..." Shravan added.

What a silly question. How can MARLBORO not be the brand of any member of the 'smoker community' around the world!That very moment put an end to my resolution...maybe some other time.That packet contained 11 marvelous beauties. The next 5 days went on superbly. Before you jump into any conclusion, let me make it clear that I wasn't a chain smoker. Even after being addicted, I had restricted myself religiously to just 2 per day. But those 2 cigarettes had become something indispensable for me.
Days passed quite tediously at office. Five days and 10 cigarettes later, I woke up one morning with high fever. A checkup by my physician confirmed typhoid. "Seven days complete bed rest..." Dr. Sahai said, thrusting the stethoscope against my bare back. The next seven days I spent at home, in my room without a single cigarette to smoke.Such a long 'lean period' had come into my life after almost three whole years. Maybe I can quit smoking altogether now.Well… maybe!

I rejoined office on the 17th of April. I was too weak to even think about cigarettes for the next 4 days. On the fifth day I accidentally bumped into the packet of Marlboro in my workplace drawer.I swear to God… ACCIDENTALLY.With shivering hands I reached out for the packet and opened the same to reveal the lone lady, lying inside.Do I? Do I not? Come on, one last cigarette won't do me any harm. Moreover it was LIGHTS... not that strong.Without further delay, I picked up a mint, sneaked off my Boss's Zippo and went off with her to the smoking area.The smoking area of our office was actually the open Generator room with just an asbestos sheet as its shade. It was a monkey-infested vicinity with the apes playing and fighting over the shade throughout the day.Sometimes I wondered what fun these animals got by sweating it out unnecessarily in the summer sun.Guess that's why they were called monkeys...

With this conclusion I lit my Marlboro.Oh my God... the feeling was out-of-this world. I sure had missed you darling. I puffed away to glory.Meanwhile, standing at the edge of the shade, I could spot a major monkey fight brewing up above my head. A humongous monkey had just joined in.Having my love in between my fingers after such a long time, I couldn’t care less about those apes at this moment. Unperturbed, I went on with my activity.
Suddenly, something happened, which was totally uncalled for. The big monkey jumped upon a much smaller one & scared the SHIT out of that poor fellow.When I say, 'scared the shit out', I mean literally as well as practically.Yeah, the small monkey lost all control on its bowel and a brownish yellow... or was it yellowish brown... whatever.What mattered was, a snowball of its shit came down, defying no laws of gravity, and hit the cigarette in between my fingers, just as it was about to approach my lips.The Marlboro lost its fire. I stood astounded for a moment.I took one look at the little monkey, who was gawking at me with a sorry face, and then I shifted my gaze to the cigarette.All was gone... no effort of mine could render the cigarette puffable again.All I could do was throw away my Marlboro, coz its smell had started lingering in my nose by now.Not the cigarette’s smell... I mean the other smell which, by now, had clearly eclipsed the perfume of my Marlboro.

Washing my hand, I walked off to my desk... such a sad ending to the last cigarette.After this episode, I have tried my hand at smoking three more times but couldn't.Every cigarette smells of Monkey-Shit to me now.Now that I think of it, I am amazed by the fact that it just took monkey shit to help me quit my age old habit in the blink of an eyelid.
SHIT DOES HAPPEN!!