“God knows when our misery will get over…” my wife stated. Hearing this I knew that her cribbing session had been triggered off. She had not even entered home – in fact she still had her finger placed on the doorbell switch. I could make out that she has had a grueling session at her office today. And I, without a job during this so called ‘Recession’ period, maintained my position at the door, continuing to hold it open for her.
“Suchi, please do not begin with the narration about our wretched lives now.” I tried to dodge the topic and the subsequent conversation which it was heading towards. “Come in first… I have prepared coffee for us. Let’s enjoy that for the moment and then we can discuss our problems over dinner,“ I added.
“Did you get any calls today?” Suchi continued as she entered through the door, completely ignoring my advice.
“Yes, I did get a couple of calls.” I replied.
“And?” Suchi looked at me with anticipation.
“Both the jobs expect me to work in night shifts. I turned them down… Can we please have our coffees now?” I was beginning to get irritated. Suchi could make that out and sensibly rushed to the kitchen to get our cups.
= = = = = = = = = = = =
I strolled towards my bean bag, picking up the day’s newspaper before dropping into the sack. Fishing out the Times Ascent – the careers supplement of the newspaper, I tried to re-initiate a hopeless search. This same supplement used to be a thick 16 to 20 pages booklet just three month back, but see what ‘recession’ has done to this indispensable part of our Wednesday mornings! Three years back all the wise men in the world had started blaming everything on the Global Warming. Three years later, today, ‘Global Warming’ has been left far behind by ‘Recession’ in the race to the title of ‘The Biggest Destroyer of Mankind’.
“Here’s your coffee…” Suchi handed the cup to me and snatched the newspaper supplement from my hand. Flipping through the pages of the supplement Suchi muttered, “Don’t worry dear… everything will be okay soon.” Huh… here you go - the depressed comforting the demoralized.
“Excuse me madam… it is you who was cribbing just a minute back,” I retaliated. “I am fine… in fact, I am enjoying my new role as the home-maker to the fullest,” I lied.
“The wonderful coffee made by you does wonders to me, you know,” Suchi winked at me. My coffee sure did transform my wife amazingly. Am I getting good at cooking due to the regular practice that I am getting by sitting at home, or is it a hidden talent that I was born with but remained untapped all these years? Perhaps I should evaluate options in this field as well. In fact the Times Ascent did have a half-page advertisement from Hotel Crowne Plaza.
= = = = = = = = = = = =
“Sweetheart… will you listen to me if I asked you to do a small favor? For me… please…” Suchi brought me back to the real world from my five star hotel’s kitchen in a jiffy.
I looked at her enquiringly…
“You know Mr. Ganesh, right?” Suchi began. Judging by the sweetness in her tone, I was pretty confident that she is going to shoot the weirdest possible request at the unguarded me.
“Mr. Ganesh who?” I replied with a confused look. I knew this chap, Ganesh pretty well. Ganesh was the self-proclaimed astrologer in Suchi’s office, who often gave free unasked-for astrological advise to people in her office.
“Mr. Ganesh, dear… the palmist about who I had told you once. Remember?” Suchi kept away her half-finished cup of coffee and focused all her attention and energy towards reminding me who Ganesh was!
“Oh yes…” I surrendered, unable to hold my pretentious ignorance any longer. “What about Ganesh? What did that rogue say now?” I enquired.
“Hey, he’s not a rogue Aadi!” Suchi’s soft tone changed into a stern one within no time. “Mr. Ganesh is a very good human being. He does social service, and does not charge a single penny for the palm-reading service that he does.” Suchi could go on about this guy; hence I had to meekly stop the argument from my end for peace to prevail in our home that evening.
“Okay, so what favor did you want me to do on you dear?” I asked Suchi, trying to take her away from the topic of Ganesh. Little did I know that the ‘favor’ and Ganesh were linked to each other with super glue.
“I spoke to Mr. Ganesh about the bad phase that we are going through in our lives because of your career which is down in the dumps, and my job insecurity,” Suchi began.
“Thanks for sharing such nice words about me with a stranger,” I taunted Suchi.
“Aadi… Mr. Ganesh is not a stranger.” Suchi replied. “In fact, when I told him that we are facing problems in our lives, he immediately looked at my forehead and told me that he sees my husband’s job-related problems in my life! Can you believe that?” Suchi exclaimed with raised eyebrows.
“I bet he saw all this in his magic ball last night,” I mocked. Suchi wasn’t amused, and continued with her narration nonchalantly. “Then, Mr. Ganesh asked for your date of birth and place of birth from me, and told me that this problem is due to a bad planet in your astrological chart!” Suchi held on to her expression with the raised eyebrows for a longer while this time.
“Oh my god! Now what should I do to kick out this ‘bad planet’?” I scornfully asked Suchi.
“You cannot ‘kick off’ a bad planet Aadi! You will have to ‘appease it by wearing your lucky gem in the little finger of your right hand as per your horoscope,” Suchi did not even blink once while she was uttering these saintly words.
“I don’t believe you Suchi… are you off your mind?!” I screamed. “You know very well that I do not believe in all this baloney,“ I added.
“Please Aadi… listen to me for once. There is no harm in trying…” Suchi debated with me. After a bout of argument between Suchi and me, like any other member of the ‘smart husbands community’, I devised a technique to ward off the topic for the moment.
“Okay… okay… I will get the ring,” I concluded. “Please freshen up now, as only then we can have our dinner!” I added. With these last words, I was sure that I have put an end to the topic – at least for the moment.
“Hey, we need to go to the gem shop right now!” Suchi caught me off guard with this proposal of hers.
“What! You must be kidding!” I exclaimed.
“No, I am not dear… Mr. Ganesh has referred me to a gem shop in our neighborhood. We can go and order for the ring right away,” Suchi responded.
“But why are you in such a hurry to change my luck? I can manage being unemployed for a couple of more days!” I retorted.
“No Aadi, we do not have time. You have to start wearing the ring only on a Thursday – which is tomorrow!” saying this, Suchi grabbed my bike keys and pulled me by my arm out of the house. Within no time we were driving off to the gem shop.
= = = = = = = = = = = =
“That ass Ganesh has even referred my wife to a particular shop! I could bet that the shop pays a heavy commission to Ganesh as referral fees! So much for his ‘free’ social service…” I spoke to myself. However, if wearing a meager ring could keep my wife happy, I have no qualms about the same.
Moreover, I saw myself benefiting if the ring worked, or even if it didn’t.
Option 1: If I would manage to get a job after wearing the ring, I will not be accused of having a career which is ‘down in the dumps’.
Option 2: If I would NOT get a job after wearing the ring (which seemed like the more likely option), then I would prove my point about rogues like Ganesh and the trash called Astrology.
With a silent smile I parked my bike in front of ‘Taraash - A Government Recognized Gem Store’.
“Can you show us a good emerald please?” Suchi dug out a piece of paper from her purse and read out of it to the old man over the counter.
“Sure madam… how many carats?” the old man enquired.
“Six or above,” my wife read out from the piece of paper again. “We need it on a gold ring,” Suchi added.
Now this came as a shock to me. On a ‘Gold’ ring!! I pulled Suchi away from the counter and whispered to her, “Gold! Are you nuts?”
The old man over the counter looked away. I believe my whisper was a little too loud and evidently audible to him. Suchi signaled me to keep quiet and whispered back “Shhh… the emerald will not have any impact on your planets if it is not put on a gold ring… Mr. Ganesh very distinctively mentioned this.”
“Rest assured that Ganesh is in for a lot of trouble if I get to meet him!” I could not control my wrath.
“Please Aadi… shut up and select an emerald for yourself!” saying this Suchi pulled be back to the counter. “Ahem!” she signaled to the old man to attend to us again after our short private meeting.
“The gold ring itself will cost you approximately fifteen thousand rupees! Emerald price extra!” the old man wanted to be sure about our money-spending prowess before he invested any more of his sales skills on us.
“Did you hear that? How many times have I told you to be dressed properly when you come out for shopping?” Suchi whispered to me accompanied with a nudge.
If the price revelation of the gold wasn’t enough to kill me, Suchi’s painful nudge was definitely near-fatal! I looked at my reflection on the glass behind the counter – I did not look too bad in my shorts and the green t-shirt. In fact I even wore matching green sandals. What does this old man know about the latest trends in dressing? To top that, did Suchi give me a chance to even brush my hair before rushing out for gem-shopping? I decided not to waste my near exhausted energies on any other argument for the day.
“Yes… yes… that is not a problem!” Suchi assured the old man in the shop. Only after he got this assurance from Suchi, did he bring out the box containing the gem stones from beneath the counter. The box contained green colored gem stones of various sizes. Fishing out a peanut-sized emerald from the box, he put it on the weighing scale. The digital display read 5.5. He shook his head and fished out a slightly larger stone and placed it on the scale. Scale reading: 6.2 – mission accomplished. Suchi looked at me and smiled with a sense of accomplishment, before nodding to the old man.
The lethargic salesman had completed half his task, and for the rest of the task he keyed in some numbers into the calculator lying at the billing counter. As he was using the calculator, I could hear him mutter some astounding numbers under his breath… “Twenty five thousand… six-point two…”, and the rest of the words were inaudible. But I didn’t have to wait for long before he looked up at us and gave us the verdict. “At the rate of rupees twenty five thousand per carat, the 6.2 carat emerald will cost you rupees one lakh and fifty five thousand only!”, he concluded.
Did he use the suffix ‘only’ for this colossal amount too?
Suchi looked at me in awe. I reciprocated with the exact same look. Oblivious about the whole reaction given by us, the old man continued with his sales pitch, “… and including the gold ring, you will have to pay just rupees one lakh and seventy thousand. Discounted price – especially for you madam.” Saying this he looked at Suchi finally. I suppose the look on Suchi’s face was too revealing, and so was mine – the old man understood our intentions.
“We… We will come back…” Suchi managed to utter these few words before walking me out of the shop. We did not turn back to look at the old man’s face. We did not speak to each other till we reached the place where I had parked my bike.
“It is a little too expensive for us right now… isn’t it Aadi?” Suchi uttered these words to cut the silence that was prevailing between us. ‘Little too expensive’ was an understatement – especially in this situation where we were surviving in only one salary. And the job which was generating this salary wasn’t too secure either – thanks to the catastrophe called ‘recession’. I merely nodded my head to show agreement with my wife’s first sensible thoughts in this evening.
Suddenly I realized that all this while, I had overlooked the possibility of Option 3 – the probability that I might not have to wear the ring altogether. The good news was that Option 3 was in my favor too.
Hallelujah! Finally good things are happening in my life.
Without further ado, we mounted my bike and headed back to our home. My wife’s face had an expression which reminded me of a lost warrior returning from the battlefield. I adjusted the rear-view mirror to look at Suchi’s face and smiled at her. She smiled too, but forcibly.
= = = = = = = = = = = =
We reached home and Suchi set down to prepare dinner while I shifted my bean-bag to the kitchen, and joined her along with my unfinished newspaper. The newspaper was filled with news about major IT companies across the globe downsizing their workforce. I quickly scanned through the initial pages, ignoring any headline that contained the words ‘IT’ or ‘Workforce’ or ‘Unemployment’ or ‘Recession’. At the end of this scan, I was pretty much left with no news to read. That is when a headline caught my eyes which said, “Fifty farmers commit suicide in UP!” I read it aloud for Suchi to hear.
“Oh my gosh!” Suchi exclaimed. “Why on earth did so many people commit suicide at the same time?” she continued as she threw some spices into the crackling pan. I read further to answer Suchi’s query.
I read out the initial paragraph of the article aloud…
“Incidence of farmers ending their lives in the western UP region has hit epidemic proportions. Since a long time, Indian farmers have been facing a number of socioeconomic problems, such as harassment by moneylenders, inability to repay debts following crop loss, inability to get medical treatment for the family, etc. The problem is compounded by lack of positive and cooperative support from banks especially in the face of inclement weather and market fluctuations…”
I paused and looked at Suchi. She looked back at me with an expression that questioned me, “What?”
“I am just wondering if that wizard Mr. Ganesh and other astrologers like him could have prescribed some stones which could have saved the lives of these farmers.” I said.
Suchi looked away and said, “Aadi… stop being sarcastic! I am sure that astrology does have some positive impact on people’s lives. Otherwise how do you explain the large number followers of this science?”
Suchi could not convince me. Nonetheless, I did not argue further and continued reading the article with thoughts about this ‘vicious circle’ swarming across my mind. If those poor farmers could afford such expensive gem stones to turn their luck – would they even be in this misery to begin with? In fact, any human who can afford the near two lakhs rupees worth of good-luck charm for oneself, doesn’t seem to be in a too bad state.
Look at me - The problem for me is that I do not have a job, and hence no money. And the incredibly intelligent astrological solution to my problem is ‘Spend a huge sum of money on an emerald!’ Ridiculing this so called ‘science’, I put aside the newspaper and moved out of the kitchen to ease my mind.
= = = = = = = = = = = =
“Aadi, if you are going inside to watch TV, could you please see if ‘The Cooking Show’ has begun on NDTV? It is almost time,” said Suchi as soon as she saw me walking out. My wife had developed this new-found interest in cooking shows. Sadly, the knowledge gained from such shows was seldom put into practice within the premises of our kitchen.
“Sure,” I yelled back.
Brushing aside all thoughts about astrology, emeralds and jobs, I slouched on the bed and switched on Cartoon Network. Like every time, I turned to Tom and Jerry for refreshing my thoughts.
“Aadiiiii… could you switch to NDTV please…” yelled my wife from the kitchen. Needless to say, I had to use the remote control immediately against my wishes.
NDTV it was. The program information read ‘Teleshopping Commercial’. My wife’s program was due in five minutes; hence I decided to switch back to Tom and Jerry. Nonetheless before touching the remote, I yelled back to Suchi to safeguard myself from any further yelling, “Your program will begin after five minutes…”
As I picked up the remote, I saw an ugly old man dressed like a priest blabbering some scholarly stuff endlessly. Although whatever met my eyes was very repelling, but what met my ears caught my attention. “… and to ward off evil energies caused by your planetary positions, we bring for you this Zodiac Device,” saying this, the old man held up a small golden pyramid.
“Placing this Zodiac Device at the east-most corner of your house will bring success and money at your doorsteps!” he continued.
Further he added, “Along with this 22 carat gold Device you will get a gold plated pendant as per your Zodiac sign absolutely free! And all this comes to you at the price of only rupees thirty thousand…”
AAAAARRRRGHHHHHH!!! I switched off the TV.
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