“It's been more than three years that we've been married… don’t you think that we should plan for a baby now?” My wife had just drawn the curtains open, and as soon as the first ray of sunlight forced it's way into my eyes, she shot this question at me.
“What! Are you crazy?” I tried to bring her back to her senses.
“Aadi… I am serious,” she replied. “I will be 27 years old this December and mom was saying…”
Oh no! Did she say those three dreaded words - “mom was saying”?
I looked at the wall clock. The time was quarter to eight. When on earth did she speak to her mom?
“Aadi, could you at least not look away from me when I am speaking to you?”
“Suchi, I can hear you from a mile when you are shouting like that. I don't need to look at you!” And, saying this I realized that I had ruined all chances of sinking my teeth into the yummy sausages I could smell being fried in the kitchen.
Suchi looked at me in awe. Immediately I changed my tone to a softer scale.
“Okay dear… I am sorry.” Anything to get a last shot at those sausages. “What was my dear mom-in-law saying?”
“Stop ridiculing my mom! Anyways, she was saying that both of us are approaching 30, and we should plan a baby before it is too late!”
“What does she mean by saying ‘before it is too late’? Just yesterday I read a news about some 70-year old lady giving birth to twins!” saying this I jumped up on my feet and headed towards the bundle of old newspaper to dig out the last day’s edition. When you are having a debate with your wife, it is always advisable to be armed with supporting evidences.
“I was trying to have a serious conversation with you, Aadi. God knows when you will grow up!” uttering these famous last words, which virtually translates to “You are an ass and I win this fight’, Suchi left the room.
I did not try to stop her. I was engrossed in fishing out the article from the newspaper. Peevishly as I rampaged through its pages, the magical headlines appeared before my eyes: ‘World's oldest mother gives birth to twins at 70’. Further down in the article it also mentioned that the husband was 77 years old.
Eureka! I rushed to the kitchen with this article.
“But mom also said that Khanna Aunty’s daughter, Anu got married earlier this year and she is already two-months pregnant!” Suchi murmured as soon as I had put my first step outside the kitchen.
“What!” I turned back immediately. “Didn’t Anu marry that ICICI Branch Manager, Rohan just three months back?” I reconfirmed.
“Yes, and Anu is already pregnant. And to add to that, she is three years younger to me!” Suchi added. I knew from her dialogues that all this has been downloaded into her brain by my mother-in-law early in the morning today.
“Mom also said that all the other aunties ask her questions about why we do not have a kid as of yet!” Now it was even more evident that when I was sleeping, that old lady was brainwashing my helpless and innocent wife.
“Suchi!” I started. “We are not answerable to or competing with anybody here… please!” I expressed my firm stand. “What was Rohan thinking? I mean is marriage done only to reproduce! Whatever happened to the concepts of protected sex!” I felt that I could place a big punch on Rohan’s face right away if I found him in accessible distance.
“Aadi… please! Let us not discuss about other people’s personal decisions. What Rohan and Anu do is none of our business!” Suchi tried to cut out the topic.
“Exactly! And what we do is not anybody else’s business too…” I said and walked off.
= = = = = = =
I was totally pissed off by now. I was angrier on these aunties spread across the world who could not ever mind their own business. No, perhaps I was angrier on these Rohans in this world who could not keep their testosterones under control for even a moment! Screw all!
I picked the morning’s newspaper and crashed down on my bean bag. The headlines were of no interest today. Let me jump to the sports section. On second thoughts, I should read the whole newspaper carefully. Just because I had read the last day’s newspaper so profusely, could I win today’s argument, isn’t it?
= = = = = = =
With mixed thoughts and anger, as I was trying to drown myself into the newspaper, I felt Suchi’s soft hands wrap around me from behind.
“I am sorry baby,” she whispered into my years. “I did not mean to make you upset.”
“Hmm… “ I said. Although that warm touch and those loving words from Suchi was enough to make me smile, but still I felt that I could get some more pampering from her by acting a bit difficult.
“I promise that I will never take out this topic about having a baby ever again until you are comfortable about it,” Suchi said. “For the time being I am happy taking care of this one baby of mine,” saying this she planted a kiss on my cheek.
I could not hold on to my fake attitude any longer. “I am sorry too dear,” I said. Putting aside the newspaper I added, “Since you are so good to me, I too will at least give a thought about this topic of having a baby,” I promised. Suchi smiled back.
“Now please get ready quickly… we are both getting late for office,” Suchi brought me back to the real moment. “Your breakfast is on the table Aadi!” saying this she went off to get ready.
I too quickly gulped down my grub and got dressed for office in a jiffy.
“Bye dear. See you in the evening,” we wished each other, and in no time we ran off to the parking lot to set off in our respective vehicles.
= = = = = = =
“Whoa… what a beginning to the day!” I thought aloud as I drove my bike. However, the part to worry about was that the loving words at the end from my wife had set me thinking on the path which I would otherwise never even dream of treading upon.
“Am I ready to have another member in our family yet?” I asked myself. Why not? I mean most of my office colleagues who are of my age have kids in kindergarten already. Does that mean that I am the only exception? Do I not have the balls to get a baby to this world?
But even if we have a baby, will Suchi leave her job and take care of the kid? Oh my god! That is even worse, as it will mean that our collective salary becomes half! To hell with people who raise a question at me or my masculinity, I surely don’t have the guts to take care of a baby with a single salary. And if we too get a twin like that 70 plus year old couple – we will surely be dead!
With these thoughts haunting my mind, I brought my bike to a screeching halt, just two inches behind the bumper of the car in front of me. I did not notice the red light at the traffic signal.
“Aadi dear… please keep your eyes on the road if you would like to have a baby EVER IN YOUR LIFE!” I explained to myself. I closed my eyes to gather myself. As soon as I closed my eyes, I heard the giggle of a baby right behind me. Oh no… am I imagining things?
I opened my eyes and adjusted the rear view mirror of my bike to catch a glimpse of the source of that pleasant sound. Yes, there as a baby boy sitting in front of his dad on the bike behind me. He was chirping sweet nothings to his dad and his dad seemed too happy to be true. Wow, that sure was a beautiful sight. Perhaps I did not see this positive side of this whole experience since morning. I think I want to be a happy dad too…
= = = = = = =
No sooner had I convinced myself about at least one good thing about having a baby, the kid behind me let off a sneeze. His face was still clearly visible on my rear view mirror and I could clearly see the thick light greenish yellow liquid that dropped out of his nose and kept hanging there.
As if my level of disgust had not already touched its peak, the kid wiped his nose with his hand smearing the yucky viscous liquid on his face. The dad, oblivious of this whole act, kept on laughing and talking to the baby, and within seconds all I could focus on in my mirror was the mucus colored face of this baby which looked oh-so-cute just a moment ago.
The traffic light turned green, I put my bike in the first gear and zoomed off instantly – leaving behind me that baby, his dad and any plans of having a baby of my own for the next hundred years…
= = = = = = =
“What! Are you crazy?” I tried to bring her back to her senses.
“Aadi… I am serious,” she replied. “I will be 27 years old this December and mom was saying…”
Oh no! Did she say those three dreaded words - “mom was saying”?
I looked at the wall clock. The time was quarter to eight. When on earth did she speak to her mom?
“Aadi, could you at least not look away from me when I am speaking to you?”
“Suchi, I can hear you from a mile when you are shouting like that. I don't need to look at you!” And, saying this I realized that I had ruined all chances of sinking my teeth into the yummy sausages I could smell being fried in the kitchen.
Suchi looked at me in awe. Immediately I changed my tone to a softer scale.
“Okay dear… I am sorry.” Anything to get a last shot at those sausages. “What was my dear mom-in-law saying?”
“Stop ridiculing my mom! Anyways, she was saying that both of us are approaching 30, and we should plan a baby before it is too late!”
“What does she mean by saying ‘before it is too late’? Just yesterday I read a news about some 70-year old lady giving birth to twins!” saying this I jumped up on my feet and headed towards the bundle of old newspaper to dig out the last day’s edition. When you are having a debate with your wife, it is always advisable to be armed with supporting evidences.
“I was trying to have a serious conversation with you, Aadi. God knows when you will grow up!” uttering these famous last words, which virtually translates to “You are an ass and I win this fight’, Suchi left the room.
I did not try to stop her. I was engrossed in fishing out the article from the newspaper. Peevishly as I rampaged through its pages, the magical headlines appeared before my eyes: ‘World's oldest mother gives birth to twins at 70’. Further down in the article it also mentioned that the husband was 77 years old.
Eureka! I rushed to the kitchen with this article.
“Suchi, look here… read this article.”
“I am not interested. And, I am getting late for work.”
“Just take a look at the title of this article.”
“Okay. Okay. I get your point…” Suchi replied.
“Okay. Okay. I get your point…” Suchi replied.
With a victorious smile on my face, I folded the newspaper and turned back to go to my room.
* * *
“But mom also said that Khanna Aunty’s daughter, Anu got married earlier this year and she is already two-months pregnant!” Suchi murmured as soon as I had put my first step outside the kitchen.
“What!” I turned back immediately. “Didn’t Anu marry that ICICI Branch Manager, Rohan just three months back?” I reconfirmed.
“Yes, and Anu is already pregnant. And to add to that, she is three years younger to me!” Suchi added. I knew from her dialogues that all this has been downloaded into her brain by my mother-in-law early in the morning today.
“Mom also said that all the other aunties ask her questions about why we do not have a kid as of yet!” Now it was even more evident that when I was sleeping, that old lady was brainwashing my helpless and innocent wife.
“Suchi!” I started. “We are not answerable to or competing with anybody here… please!” I expressed my firm stand. “What was Rohan thinking? I mean is marriage done only to reproduce! Whatever happened to the concepts of protected sex!” I felt that I could place a big punch on Rohan’s face right away if I found him in accessible distance.
“Aadi… please! Let us not discuss about other people’s personal decisions. What Rohan and Anu do is none of our business!” Suchi tried to cut out the topic.
“Exactly! And what we do is not anybody else’s business too…” I said and walked off.
= = = = = = =
I was totally pissed off by now. I was angrier on these aunties spread across the world who could not ever mind their own business. No, perhaps I was angrier on these Rohans in this world who could not keep their testosterones under control for even a moment! Screw all!
I picked the morning’s newspaper and crashed down on my bean bag. The headlines were of no interest today. Let me jump to the sports section. On second thoughts, I should read the whole newspaper carefully. Just because I had read the last day’s newspaper so profusely, could I win today’s argument, isn’t it?
= = = = = = =
With mixed thoughts and anger, as I was trying to drown myself into the newspaper, I felt Suchi’s soft hands wrap around me from behind.
“I am sorry baby,” she whispered into my years. “I did not mean to make you upset.”
“Hmm… “ I said. Although that warm touch and those loving words from Suchi was enough to make me smile, but still I felt that I could get some more pampering from her by acting a bit difficult.
“I promise that I will never take out this topic about having a baby ever again until you are comfortable about it,” Suchi said. “For the time being I am happy taking care of this one baby of mine,” saying this she planted a kiss on my cheek.
I could not hold on to my fake attitude any longer. “I am sorry too dear,” I said. Putting aside the newspaper I added, “Since you are so good to me, I too will at least give a thought about this topic of having a baby,” I promised. Suchi smiled back.
“Now please get ready quickly… we are both getting late for office,” Suchi brought me back to the real moment. “Your breakfast is on the table Aadi!” saying this she went off to get ready.
I too quickly gulped down my grub and got dressed for office in a jiffy.
“Bye dear. See you in the evening,” we wished each other, and in no time we ran off to the parking lot to set off in our respective vehicles.
= = = = = = =
“Whoa… what a beginning to the day!” I thought aloud as I drove my bike. However, the part to worry about was that the loving words at the end from my wife had set me thinking on the path which I would otherwise never even dream of treading upon.
“Am I ready to have another member in our family yet?” I asked myself. Why not? I mean most of my office colleagues who are of my age have kids in kindergarten already. Does that mean that I am the only exception? Do I not have the balls to get a baby to this world?
But even if we have a baby, will Suchi leave her job and take care of the kid? Oh my god! That is even worse, as it will mean that our collective salary becomes half! To hell with people who raise a question at me or my masculinity, I surely don’t have the guts to take care of a baby with a single salary. And if we too get a twin like that 70 plus year old couple – we will surely be dead!
With these thoughts haunting my mind, I brought my bike to a screeching halt, just two inches behind the bumper of the car in front of me. I did not notice the red light at the traffic signal.
“Aadi dear… please keep your eyes on the road if you would like to have a baby EVER IN YOUR LIFE!” I explained to myself. I closed my eyes to gather myself. As soon as I closed my eyes, I heard the giggle of a baby right behind me. Oh no… am I imagining things?
I opened my eyes and adjusted the rear view mirror of my bike to catch a glimpse of the source of that pleasant sound. Yes, there as a baby boy sitting in front of his dad on the bike behind me. He was chirping sweet nothings to his dad and his dad seemed too happy to be true. Wow, that sure was a beautiful sight. Perhaps I did not see this positive side of this whole experience since morning. I think I want to be a happy dad too…
= = = = = = =
No sooner had I convinced myself about at least one good thing about having a baby, the kid behind me let off a sneeze. His face was still clearly visible on my rear view mirror and I could clearly see the thick light greenish yellow liquid that dropped out of his nose and kept hanging there.
As if my level of disgust had not already touched its peak, the kid wiped his nose with his hand smearing the yucky viscous liquid on his face. The dad, oblivious of this whole act, kept on laughing and talking to the baby, and within seconds all I could focus on in my mirror was the mucus colored face of this baby which looked oh-so-cute just a moment ago.
The traffic light turned green, I put my bike in the first gear and zoomed off instantly – leaving behind me that baby, his dad and any plans of having a baby of my own for the next hundred years…
= = = = = = =
