Assuming life to be a bed of roses,
I stepped on its road really fast.
But reality threw me crashing down
The smooth ride, for long, didn’t last!
All the dreams that I had dreamt,
Seem far from becoming real now.
The beautiful sand castles built by me,
Before the tides, they had to bow.
But the journey of life is such,
There are no red lights on the way.
I have to keep moving, accepting the fact,
That people come, but may not stay.
I take a look at the bed again,
The roses are still there all right.
Looking closer I find all my answers,
Earlier, the thorns had escaped my sight…
Monday, October 17, 2011
Thursday, June 16, 2011
My debut novel - "Those were the days..."
Those were the days... is Subhasis Ghosal’s debut novel.
This story revolves around the adventures, rather misadventures, of three friends who are in class 12th. Aaditya, Shubroto and Lucky, with their final boards exams just around the corner, are in a state of dilemma about what the future holds in store for them.
Bottom rankers of the class, instead of putting all efforts in studying for the exams, Shubroto convinces Aaditya and Lucky to lie to their parents, and set off for a trip to Jammu.
* Does the trip turn out exactly the way they had planned it to be?
* Who is the special person that Aaditya meets in this trip?
Read more...
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
Till death do me apart!
“Passengers are requested to return to their seats, and fasten their seat belts,” the airhostess announced as the airplane encountered a minor bump. “We are experiencing turbulent weather. Please remain seated until the seat-belt sign is turned off,” she added.
I clung on to the seat… my seat belt was already fastened. Big rain-drops were crashing on the window pane, with occasional thunderbolts lighting up the sky. I was petrified.
“Don’t worry dear… we will be alright,” sensing my anxiety, the old lady sitting beside me said assuredly. “This is a Boieng 747 – one of the safest planes in the world,” she added with a twinkle in her eyes. I wanted to trust her and the credentials of the airplane – but the nervous me did not allow that to happen.
“Didi, didi… the baraat has arrived,” my young cousin-sisters announced the arrival of the groom excitedly as I sat dressed in my bridal attire, waiting for the marriage ceremonies to begin. The days of anxiety and nervousness were behind me as I had no choice but to get married to the man of my parents’ dreams.
“Rajiv has a good job in a government bank,” my mom had proclaimed while showing me a photograph of the fat, ugly man. “Plus, they have a big bungalow in Greater Kailash, Delhi… I am sure you will be very happy,” added dad. I looked at the evil smile on my parents’ face – all that mattered to them was to get rid of me as soon as possible, so that they could start seeking a wealthy girl to get my younger brother married off to. Having had dodged numerous marriage proposals brought in by my parents earlier, I had been given an ultimatum by them to finalize a groom within this week. I looked away from the picture of the prospective groom for me.
“Suchi… say something,” dad said placing his hand on my head. But his hand felt like an axe hanging over my head.
I was already 30 years old, with a very mediocre appearance. Over the past few years I had come to terms with the fact that my dream-man would remain a figment of my imagination, and nothing more. What right did I have to spoil my family’s life by staying put at their house?
“I am ready dad,” my nonchalant reply had sent celebrations flying through my immediate and extended family, and here I was today – getting married to that fat and ugly man.
I was walked towards the podium in no time. Rajiv was standing there with gleaming eyes and a big garland in his hands. I wanted to cry, but my eyes were surprisingly arid!
“Congrats didi… congrats jiju,” my cousins screamed and chattered around as the formal ritual of exchanging the garlands concluded. I do not have any other memories of my marriage.
“Of course ma’am! Please do not worry,” said the airhostess. But the edgy expression on her face said something else.
I hated liars, but could nonetheless understand that this was a part of her job – to prevent passengers from getting anxious during challenging times like this.
“Are you lying to me?” I asked Rajiv.
“Of course not… why would I?” Rajiv replied instantly.
Since the past one month, Rajiv was coming late from office every day. His excuse used to be ‘year-end settlement work’, but that excuse continued even after the new year began. The last straw was when I called him up on his office telephone one day, and the peon had answered saying, “Sir has left for home two hours ago…”
After marriage I had been forced to give up my flourishing career by my parents-in-law. Staying at home, throughout the day I was expected to take care of all the tasks that a maid would have been possibly taking care of, before I came to their house. I had taken this behavior from Rajiv’s parents on my stride, hoping that I would at least get the love and respect of my husband.
“Then… how do you explain this?” I said extracting a printout of his personal emails and throwing it on his face. As he read through the printout, I saw the shade of his face transform to a beet-root red color.
“How… Where… How did you get this? I have no clue about this…” Rajiv lied shamelessly, throwing the printout on the bed. The beads of sweat appearing on his forehead disclosed his awe. I was prepared for this, and hence I switched on the computer and threw some light on my investigation.
Clicking on an application shortcut on the desktop, I said, “This is a password-saver application which I have set to run as a background operation in your computer.”
“I had stored all the passwords that you have entered in the last few days and have access to all your mail IDs now…” I explained. “That is when I bumped upon this series of mails with your love-talks with this lady named Sheeba,” I declared. Rajiv was stumped. Ten minutes of complete silence followed.
“I do not love you Suchi… my only love is Sheeba,” Rajiv broke his silence with this shattering piece of information.
“Then, why the hell did you marry me, you pervert!” I shrieked as I tried to avoid my tears from rolling.
“Sheeba is Muslim… my parents would have never agreed to me getting married to her,” Rajiv said. “I am sorry,” said he and left the room.
The whole world before my eyes went dark and I believe I fainted.
“This is your captain speaking…” the booming voice of the pilot alerted me. “Due to a drop in the cabin pressure, I am releasing the oxygen masks,” he said.
“Please do not panic. I repeat, please DO NOT panic,” concluded the pilot. The repetition of the words - ‘do not panic’ - ensured that the passengers in the flight started panicking immediately.
No sooner had the announcement concluded that the oxygen masks dropped from the overhead slot. Without further ado, I slid into my mask and started taking deep breaths with my eyes closed. I wondered what would happen next.
3 months ago…
“The day you were born to us, you brought with you a flood of ill-fate upon our family!” my mom said as she received me at the gate when Rajiv dropped me off to my house.
After fighting with Rajiv and cursing my fate for five painful months, Rajiv and I mutually decided that there was no future in our marriage. In these five months I understood that the only reason why Rajiv was trying to mend our relationship was, so that he could maintain his illicit relation with Sheeba. And, I could be the shield to cover his misdeeds from his parents. Unable to go on like this any longer, I forced Rajiv to apply for a divorce.
To save Rajiv from his parents’ wrath, he begged me not to mention about Sheeba to anyone.
The only way in which we could apply for a smooth divorce was to prove to both our parents that I could never conceive a child.
I agreed to this lie as I had nothing to lose. How could my condition be worse than my current wretched state – where I was stuck with a husband who was in love with another woman, and with a family who treated me as their maid? Rajiv arranged for the necessary medical certificates and his parents were convinced about the divorce on the very next day.
“Mom… I will soon find a job and move away from the house,” I said as I walked in and placed my suitcase in my room.
“How will that solve our problem?” mom screamed as she followed me to my room. “All our relatives, neighbors and friends already know about your divorce!” she stated. “How will I get a good match for your brother now?” mom expressed her biggest grief, planting a slap on her forehead.
The only good thing that I was looking forward to in my life at this moment was the new job that I had been offered by one of the software giants in USA. It was good to be financially independent again. The job was in Delhi, but I was expected to fly to USA for a one-month training initially.
But there was a flipside – the joining date was three months later. The very thought of staying at home for the next three months, and listening to the constant nagging of my parents scared the hell out of me.
I prepared myself for the stormy days that lay ahead, and the innumerable taunts from my parents that were in store for me.
“Ladies and gentlemen… this is your captain speaking,” the pilot spoke again. I could deduce that the situation definitely was grave. “Please remain on your seats. We have been struck by lightning!” he said.
“Buzz… thud… Buzzzzzzzz…..” the announcements went silent and off went the lights. Looking out of my window I saw a huge flame on the wing. Smoke had filled the inside of the airplane too - people were screaming and babies were wailing. I could see that the end was near. The old lady sitting beside me clasped my arm tightly and started breathing profoundly. I kept on looking out of the window.
The fire on the wing kept on getting bigger and the clasp of the old lady on my arm went on getting weaker.
BOOM!
I saw a big flash before my eyes, and that was followed by a feeling of free-fall into the interminable darkness…
Breakfast was grander than usual today. I wondered why. Dad and brother were already on the table, hogging down the food.
“Mrs. Sharma has offered a marriage proposal for your brother with her daughter,” mom disclosed. That explained the special food on the table.
My flight to the USA was in four hours and I had to report at the airport in an hour.
“That’s a really good news!” I smiled.
“Yes it is…” mom said. “Dolly is Mrs. Sharma’s only daughter, and the Sharmas have recently booked a big flat in Noida for her,” mom expressed her glee and patted my brother on his head. I speculated what my brother did to deserve that appreciative pat.
Dad smiled too. “What time is your flight?” dad asked shifting a small part of the limelight on me from my brother.
“I will leave right after breakfast…” I said.
“Suchi… we needed to tell you a small thing,” dad began. I looked up from my plate. “The marriage will be next month,” he revealed.
“But I am not in India for the next two months!” I exclaimed.
“No problem Suchi…” mom interrupted the conversation. “In fact the Sharmas did not want you to be present in the wedding, and we agree too,” she said heartlessly.
“I hope you understand…” said dad as he walked up to me and stroked my head.
I did understand. I understood that I was an immaterial part of my own family. I understood that I was synonymous to ill-fate for them. I also understood that my parents wanted to avoid the trouble of listening to the wagging tongues of the so-called ‘society’ on the special day of their only son.
I brushed aside dad’s hand, picked up my suitcase and walked off from the house – away from my family, away from my home, away from my city… towards my two-month USA trip.
I opened my eyes to discover a low, conical ceiling above my head. I looked around to further understand that I was lying inside a make-shift tent.
“Sister… sister… she has come to her senses,” I heard the scream of a young girl sitting beside me. I looked at her smiling face, and then towards the flap-door which opened and a middle-aged nun entered.
“You are God’s blessed daughter… he saw you through this difficult time,” the nun said smiling at me.
“Where am I?” I asked with some effort.
“You are at the volunteer relief camp in Morocco,” the young girl exclaimed in exhilaration. “The waves washed you to the shore two days back, and sister heeled you,” she added pointing towards the nun.
I sat up and stretched towards the bottle of water on the side table. “Let me get that for you,” saying this, the nun picked up the bottle, poured some water in a glass and helped me drink it. I took the glass from her and helped myself.
As I put the glass down, my eyes fell on the newspaper on the table. The headlines read: ‘New York bound Western Airlines flight crashes in the Atlantic Ocean!’ I recalled everything gradually. I was in that very flight.
“Where are you from?” the nun asked me as I picked up the newspaper to read more. “Give us the contact details of your family and we will inform them that you are safe.”
Without paying heed to her statements, I continued reading the newspaper article. Apart from other details, the article said: ‘Unfortunately, all 139 passengers on board were killed.’
So… now I am officially dead. Dead in the eyes of my family, dead in the eyes of my country, dead in the eyes of the whole world! The voice inside me said, “Suchi… this is your chance to begin your life all over again. Let you be dead for your family – they will not even mourn your death in any case!”
“Where are you from? Where is your family?” the nun repeated her questions.
“I am sorry, but I do not remember anything,” said I.
I clung on to the seat… my seat belt was already fastened. Big rain-drops were crashing on the window pane, with occasional thunderbolts lighting up the sky. I was petrified.
“Don’t worry dear… we will be alright,” sensing my anxiety, the old lady sitting beside me said assuredly. “This is a Boieng 747 – one of the safest planes in the world,” she added with a twinkle in her eyes. I wanted to trust her and the credentials of the airplane – but the nervous me did not allow that to happen.
* * *
One year ago… “Didi, didi… the baraat has arrived,” my young cousin-sisters announced the arrival of the groom excitedly as I sat dressed in my bridal attire, waiting for the marriage ceremonies to begin. The days of anxiety and nervousness were behind me as I had no choice but to get married to the man of my parents’ dreams.
“Rajiv has a good job in a government bank,” my mom had proclaimed while showing me a photograph of the fat, ugly man. “Plus, they have a big bungalow in Greater Kailash, Delhi… I am sure you will be very happy,” added dad. I looked at the evil smile on my parents’ face – all that mattered to them was to get rid of me as soon as possible, so that they could start seeking a wealthy girl to get my younger brother married off to. Having had dodged numerous marriage proposals brought in by my parents earlier, I had been given an ultimatum by them to finalize a groom within this week. I looked away from the picture of the prospective groom for me.
“Suchi… say something,” dad said placing his hand on my head. But his hand felt like an axe hanging over my head.
I was already 30 years old, with a very mediocre appearance. Over the past few years I had come to terms with the fact that my dream-man would remain a figment of my imagination, and nothing more. What right did I have to spoil my family’s life by staying put at their house?
“I am ready dad,” my nonchalant reply had sent celebrations flying through my immediate and extended family, and here I was today – getting married to that fat and ugly man.
I was walked towards the podium in no time. Rajiv was standing there with gleaming eyes and a big garland in his hands. I wanted to cry, but my eyes were surprisingly arid!
“Congrats didi… congrats jiju,” my cousins screamed and chattered around as the formal ritual of exchanging the garlands concluded. I do not have any other memories of my marriage.
* * *
“Ma’am, please put back your tray table,” the airhostess shook me to make herself heard and bring me back to the present. I looked at the tray table which had opened owing to the extreme roller-coaster ride that our airplane was going through. Locking back the table I asked her, “Is everything alright?”“Of course ma’am! Please do not worry,” said the airhostess. But the edgy expression on her face said something else.
I hated liars, but could nonetheless understand that this was a part of her job – to prevent passengers from getting anxious during challenging times like this.
* * *
8 months ago… “Are you lying to me?” I asked Rajiv.
“Of course not… why would I?” Rajiv replied instantly.
Since the past one month, Rajiv was coming late from office every day. His excuse used to be ‘year-end settlement work’, but that excuse continued even after the new year began. The last straw was when I called him up on his office telephone one day, and the peon had answered saying, “Sir has left for home two hours ago…”
After marriage I had been forced to give up my flourishing career by my parents-in-law. Staying at home, throughout the day I was expected to take care of all the tasks that a maid would have been possibly taking care of, before I came to their house. I had taken this behavior from Rajiv’s parents on my stride, hoping that I would at least get the love and respect of my husband.
“Then… how do you explain this?” I said extracting a printout of his personal emails and throwing it on his face. As he read through the printout, I saw the shade of his face transform to a beet-root red color.
“How… Where… How did you get this? I have no clue about this…” Rajiv lied shamelessly, throwing the printout on the bed. The beads of sweat appearing on his forehead disclosed his awe. I was prepared for this, and hence I switched on the computer and threw some light on my investigation.
Clicking on an application shortcut on the desktop, I said, “This is a password-saver application which I have set to run as a background operation in your computer.”
“I had stored all the passwords that you have entered in the last few days and have access to all your mail IDs now…” I explained. “That is when I bumped upon this series of mails with your love-talks with this lady named Sheeba,” I declared. Rajiv was stumped. Ten minutes of complete silence followed.
“I do not love you Suchi… my only love is Sheeba,” Rajiv broke his silence with this shattering piece of information.
“Then, why the hell did you marry me, you pervert!” I shrieked as I tried to avoid my tears from rolling.
“Sheeba is Muslim… my parents would have never agreed to me getting married to her,” Rajiv said. “I am sorry,” said he and left the room.
The whole world before my eyes went dark and I believe I fainted.
* * *
“This is your captain speaking…” the booming voice of the pilot alerted me. “Due to a drop in the cabin pressure, I am releasing the oxygen masks,” he said.
“Please do not panic. I repeat, please DO NOT panic,” concluded the pilot. The repetition of the words - ‘do not panic’ - ensured that the passengers in the flight started panicking immediately.
No sooner had the announcement concluded that the oxygen masks dropped from the overhead slot. Without further ado, I slid into my mask and started taking deep breaths with my eyes closed. I wondered what would happen next.
* * *
3 months ago…
“The day you were born to us, you brought with you a flood of ill-fate upon our family!” my mom said as she received me at the gate when Rajiv dropped me off to my house.
After fighting with Rajiv and cursing my fate for five painful months, Rajiv and I mutually decided that there was no future in our marriage. In these five months I understood that the only reason why Rajiv was trying to mend our relationship was, so that he could maintain his illicit relation with Sheeba. And, I could be the shield to cover his misdeeds from his parents. Unable to go on like this any longer, I forced Rajiv to apply for a divorce.
To save Rajiv from his parents’ wrath, he begged me not to mention about Sheeba to anyone.
The only way in which we could apply for a smooth divorce was to prove to both our parents that I could never conceive a child.
I agreed to this lie as I had nothing to lose. How could my condition be worse than my current wretched state – where I was stuck with a husband who was in love with another woman, and with a family who treated me as their maid? Rajiv arranged for the necessary medical certificates and his parents were convinced about the divorce on the very next day.
“Mom… I will soon find a job and move away from the house,” I said as I walked in and placed my suitcase in my room.
“How will that solve our problem?” mom screamed as she followed me to my room. “All our relatives, neighbors and friends already know about your divorce!” she stated. “How will I get a good match for your brother now?” mom expressed her biggest grief, planting a slap on her forehead.
The only good thing that I was looking forward to in my life at this moment was the new job that I had been offered by one of the software giants in USA. It was good to be financially independent again. The job was in Delhi, but I was expected to fly to USA for a one-month training initially.
But there was a flipside – the joining date was three months later. The very thought of staying at home for the next three months, and listening to the constant nagging of my parents scared the hell out of me.
I prepared myself for the stormy days that lay ahead, and the innumerable taunts from my parents that were in store for me.
* * *
Thud! The airplane shook a little too much for my comfort. I felt the need to throw up.“Ladies and gentlemen… this is your captain speaking,” the pilot spoke again. I could deduce that the situation definitely was grave. “Please remain on your seats. We have been struck by lightning!” he said.
“Buzz… thud… Buzzzzzzzz…..” the announcements went silent and off went the lights. Looking out of my window I saw a huge flame on the wing. Smoke had filled the inside of the airplane too - people were screaming and babies were wailing. I could see that the end was near. The old lady sitting beside me clasped my arm tightly and started breathing profoundly. I kept on looking out of the window.
The fire on the wing kept on getting bigger and the clasp of the old lady on my arm went on getting weaker.
BOOM!
I saw a big flash before my eyes, and that was followed by a feeling of free-fall into the interminable darkness…
* * *
Yesterday… Breakfast was grander than usual today. I wondered why. Dad and brother were already on the table, hogging down the food.
“Mrs. Sharma has offered a marriage proposal for your brother with her daughter,” mom disclosed. That explained the special food on the table.
My flight to the USA was in four hours and I had to report at the airport in an hour.
“That’s a really good news!” I smiled.
“Yes it is…” mom said. “Dolly is Mrs. Sharma’s only daughter, and the Sharmas have recently booked a big flat in Noida for her,” mom expressed her glee and patted my brother on his head. I speculated what my brother did to deserve that appreciative pat.
Dad smiled too. “What time is your flight?” dad asked shifting a small part of the limelight on me from my brother.
“I will leave right after breakfast…” I said.
“Suchi… we needed to tell you a small thing,” dad began. I looked up from my plate. “The marriage will be next month,” he revealed.
“But I am not in India for the next two months!” I exclaimed.
“No problem Suchi…” mom interrupted the conversation. “In fact the Sharmas did not want you to be present in the wedding, and we agree too,” she said heartlessly.
“I hope you understand…” said dad as he walked up to me and stroked my head.
I did understand. I understood that I was an immaterial part of my own family. I understood that I was synonymous to ill-fate for them. I also understood that my parents wanted to avoid the trouble of listening to the wagging tongues of the so-called ‘society’ on the special day of their only son.
I brushed aside dad’s hand, picked up my suitcase and walked off from the house – away from my family, away from my home, away from my city… towards my two-month USA trip.
* * *
I opened my eyes to discover a low, conical ceiling above my head. I looked around to further understand that I was lying inside a make-shift tent.
“Sister… sister… she has come to her senses,” I heard the scream of a young girl sitting beside me. I looked at her smiling face, and then towards the flap-door which opened and a middle-aged nun entered.
“You are God’s blessed daughter… he saw you through this difficult time,” the nun said smiling at me.
“Where am I?” I asked with some effort.
“You are at the volunteer relief camp in Morocco,” the young girl exclaimed in exhilaration. “The waves washed you to the shore two days back, and sister heeled you,” she added pointing towards the nun.
I sat up and stretched towards the bottle of water on the side table. “Let me get that for you,” saying this, the nun picked up the bottle, poured some water in a glass and helped me drink it. I took the glass from her and helped myself.
As I put the glass down, my eyes fell on the newspaper on the table. The headlines read: ‘New York bound Western Airlines flight crashes in the Atlantic Ocean!’ I recalled everything gradually. I was in that very flight.
“Where are you from?” the nun asked me as I picked up the newspaper to read more. “Give us the contact details of your family and we will inform them that you are safe.”
Without paying heed to her statements, I continued reading the newspaper article. Apart from other details, the article said: ‘Unfortunately, all 139 passengers on board were killed.’
So… now I am officially dead. Dead in the eyes of my family, dead in the eyes of my country, dead in the eyes of the whole world! The voice inside me said, “Suchi… this is your chance to begin your life all over again. Let you be dead for your family – they will not even mourn your death in any case!”
“Where are you from? Where is your family?” the nun repeated her questions.
“I am sorry, but I do not remember anything,” said I.
* * *
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Astrology, Horoscopes, Planets and All That Jazz…
“God knows when our misery will get over…” my wife stated. Hearing this I knew that her cribbing session had been triggered off. She had not even entered home – in fact she still had her finger placed on the doorbell switch. I could make out that she has had a grueling session at her office today. And I, without a job during this so called ‘Recession’ period, maintained my position at the door, continuing to hold it open for her.
“Suchi, please do not begin with the narration about our wretched lives now.” I tried to dodge the topic and the subsequent conversation which it was heading towards. “Come in first… I have prepared coffee for us. Let’s enjoy that for the moment and then we can discuss our problems over dinner,“ I added.
“Did you get any calls today?” Suchi continued as she entered through the door, completely ignoring my advice.
“Yes, I did get a couple of calls.” I replied.
“And?” Suchi looked at me with anticipation.
“Both the jobs expect me to work in night shifts. I turned them down… Can we please have our coffees now?” I was beginning to get irritated. Suchi could make that out and sensibly rushed to the kitchen to get our cups.
= = = = = = = = = = = =
I strolled towards my bean bag, picking up the day’s newspaper before dropping into the sack. Fishing out the Times Ascent – the careers supplement of the newspaper, I tried to re-initiate a hopeless search. This same supplement used to be a thick 16 to 20 pages booklet just three month back, but see what ‘recession’ has done to this indispensable part of our Wednesday mornings! Three years back all the wise men in the world had started blaming everything on the Global Warming. Three years later, today, ‘Global Warming’ has been left far behind by ‘Recession’ in the race to the title of ‘The Biggest Destroyer of Mankind’.
“Here’s your coffee…” Suchi handed the cup to me and snatched the newspaper supplement from my hand. Flipping through the pages of the supplement Suchi muttered, “Don’t worry dear… everything will be okay soon.” Huh… here you go - the depressed comforting the demoralized.
“Excuse me madam… it is you who was cribbing just a minute back,” I retaliated. “I am fine… in fact, I am enjoying my new role as the home-maker to the fullest,” I lied.
“The wonderful coffee made by you does wonders to me, you know,” Suchi winked at me. My coffee sure did transform my wife amazingly. Am I getting good at cooking due to the regular practice that I am getting by sitting at home, or is it a hidden talent that I was born with but remained untapped all these years? Perhaps I should evaluate options in this field as well. In fact the Times Ascent did have a half-page advertisement from Hotel Crowne Plaza.
= = = = = = = = = = = =
“Sweetheart… will you listen to me if I asked you to do a small favor? For me… please…” Suchi brought me back to the real world from my five star hotel’s kitchen in a jiffy.
I looked at her enquiringly…
“You know Mr. Ganesh, right?” Suchi began. Judging by the sweetness in her tone, I was pretty confident that she is going to shoot the weirdest possible request at the unguarded me.
“Mr. Ganesh who?” I replied with a confused look. I knew this chap, Ganesh pretty well. Ganesh was the self-proclaimed astrologer in Suchi’s office, who often gave free unasked-for astrological advise to people in her office.
“Mr. Ganesh, dear… the palmist about who I had told you once. Remember?” Suchi kept away her half-finished cup of coffee and focused all her attention and energy towards reminding me who Ganesh was!
“Oh yes…” I surrendered, unable to hold my pretentious ignorance any longer. “What about Ganesh? What did that rogue say now?” I enquired.
“Hey, he’s not a rogue Aadi!” Suchi’s soft tone changed into a stern one within no time. “Mr. Ganesh is a very good human being. He does social service, and does not charge a single penny for the palm-reading service that he does.” Suchi could go on about this guy; hence I had to meekly stop the argument from my end for peace to prevail in our home that evening.
“Okay, so what favor did you want me to do on you dear?” I asked Suchi, trying to take her away from the topic of Ganesh. Little did I know that the ‘favor’ and Ganesh were linked to each other with super glue.
“I spoke to Mr. Ganesh about the bad phase that we are going through in our lives because of your career which is down in the dumps, and my job insecurity,” Suchi began.
“Thanks for sharing such nice words about me with a stranger,” I taunted Suchi.
“Aadi… Mr. Ganesh is not a stranger.” Suchi replied. “In fact, when I told him that we are facing problems in our lives, he immediately looked at my forehead and told me that he sees my husband’s job-related problems in my life! Can you believe that?” Suchi exclaimed with raised eyebrows.
“I bet he saw all this in his magic ball last night,” I mocked. Suchi wasn’t amused, and continued with her narration nonchalantly. “Then, Mr. Ganesh asked for your date of birth and place of birth from me, and told me that this problem is due to a bad planet in your astrological chart!” Suchi held on to her expression with the raised eyebrows for a longer while this time.
“Oh my god! Now what should I do to kick out this ‘bad planet’?” I scornfully asked Suchi.
“You cannot ‘kick off’ a bad planet Aadi! You will have to ‘appease it by wearing your lucky gem in the little finger of your right hand as per your horoscope,” Suchi did not even blink once while she was uttering these saintly words.
“I don’t believe you Suchi… are you off your mind?!” I screamed. “You know very well that I do not believe in all this baloney,“ I added.
“Please Aadi… listen to me for once. There is no harm in trying…” Suchi debated with me. After a bout of argument between Suchi and me, like any other member of the ‘smart husbands community’, I devised a technique to ward off the topic for the moment.
“Okay… okay… I will get the ring,” I concluded. “Please freshen up now, as only then we can have our dinner!” I added. With these last words, I was sure that I have put an end to the topic – at least for the moment.
“Hey, we need to go to the gem shop right now!” Suchi caught me off guard with this proposal of hers.
“What! You must be kidding!” I exclaimed.
“No, I am not dear… Mr. Ganesh has referred me to a gem shop in our neighborhood. We can go and order for the ring right away,” Suchi responded.
“But why are you in such a hurry to change my luck? I can manage being unemployed for a couple of more days!” I retorted.
“No Aadi, we do not have time. You have to start wearing the ring only on a Thursday – which is tomorrow!” saying this, Suchi grabbed my bike keys and pulled me by my arm out of the house. Within no time we were driving off to the gem shop.
= = = = = = = = = = = =
“That ass Ganesh has even referred my wife to a particular shop! I could bet that the shop pays a heavy commission to Ganesh as referral fees! So much for his ‘free’ social service…” I spoke to myself. However, if wearing a meager ring could keep my wife happy, I have no qualms about the same.
Moreover, I saw myself benefiting if the ring worked, or even if it didn’t.
Option 1: If I would manage to get a job after wearing the ring, I will not be accused of having a career which is ‘down in the dumps’.
Option 2: If I would NOT get a job after wearing the ring (which seemed like the more likely option), then I would prove my point about rogues like Ganesh and the trash called Astrology.
With a silent smile I parked my bike in front of ‘Taraash - A Government Recognized Gem Store’.
“Can you show us a good emerald please?” Suchi dug out a piece of paper from her purse and read out of it to the old man over the counter.
“Sure madam… how many carats?” the old man enquired.
“Six or above,” my wife read out from the piece of paper again. “We need it on a gold ring,” Suchi added.
Now this came as a shock to me. On a ‘Gold’ ring!! I pulled Suchi away from the counter and whispered to her, “Gold! Are you nuts?”
The old man over the counter looked away. I believe my whisper was a little too loud and evidently audible to him. Suchi signaled me to keep quiet and whispered back “Shhh… the emerald will not have any impact on your planets if it is not put on a gold ring… Mr. Ganesh very distinctively mentioned this.”
“Rest assured that Ganesh is in for a lot of trouble if I get to meet him!” I could not control my wrath.
“Please Aadi… shut up and select an emerald for yourself!” saying this Suchi pulled be back to the counter. “Ahem!” she signaled to the old man to attend to us again after our short private meeting.
“The gold ring itself will cost you approximately fifteen thousand rupees! Emerald price extra!” the old man wanted to be sure about our money-spending prowess before he invested any more of his sales skills on us.
“Did you hear that? How many times have I told you to be dressed properly when you come out for shopping?” Suchi whispered to me accompanied with a nudge.
If the price revelation of the gold wasn’t enough to kill me, Suchi’s painful nudge was definitely near-fatal! I looked at my reflection on the glass behind the counter – I did not look too bad in my shorts and the green t-shirt. In fact I even wore matching green sandals. What does this old man know about the latest trends in dressing? To top that, did Suchi give me a chance to even brush my hair before rushing out for gem-shopping? I decided not to waste my near exhausted energies on any other argument for the day.
“Yes… yes… that is not a problem!” Suchi assured the old man in the shop. Only after he got this assurance from Suchi, did he bring out the box containing the gem stones from beneath the counter. The box contained green colored gem stones of various sizes. Fishing out a peanut-sized emerald from the box, he put it on the weighing scale. The digital display read 5.5. He shook his head and fished out a slightly larger stone and placed it on the scale. Scale reading: 6.2 – mission accomplished. Suchi looked at me and smiled with a sense of accomplishment, before nodding to the old man.
The lethargic salesman had completed half his task, and for the rest of the task he keyed in some numbers into the calculator lying at the billing counter. As he was using the calculator, I could hear him mutter some astounding numbers under his breath… “Twenty five thousand… six-point two…”, and the rest of the words were inaudible. But I didn’t have to wait for long before he looked up at us and gave us the verdict. “At the rate of rupees twenty five thousand per carat, the 6.2 carat emerald will cost you rupees one lakh and fifty five thousand only!”, he concluded.
Did he use the suffix ‘only’ for this colossal amount too?
Suchi looked at me in awe. I reciprocated with the exact same look. Oblivious about the whole reaction given by us, the old man continued with his sales pitch, “… and including the gold ring, you will have to pay just rupees one lakh and seventy thousand. Discounted price – especially for you madam.” Saying this he looked at Suchi finally. I suppose the look on Suchi’s face was too revealing, and so was mine – the old man understood our intentions.
“We… We will come back…” Suchi managed to utter these few words before walking me out of the shop. We did not turn back to look at the old man’s face. We did not speak to each other till we reached the place where I had parked my bike.
“It is a little too expensive for us right now… isn’t it Aadi?” Suchi uttered these words to cut the silence that was prevailing between us. ‘Little too expensive’ was an understatement – especially in this situation where we were surviving in only one salary. And the job which was generating this salary wasn’t too secure either – thanks to the catastrophe called ‘recession’. I merely nodded my head to show agreement with my wife’s first sensible thoughts in this evening.
Suddenly I realized that all this while, I had overlooked the possibility of Option 3 – the probability that I might not have to wear the ring altogether. The good news was that Option 3 was in my favor too.
Hallelujah! Finally good things are happening in my life.
Without further ado, we mounted my bike and headed back to our home. My wife’s face had an expression which reminded me of a lost warrior returning from the battlefield. I adjusted the rear-view mirror to look at Suchi’s face and smiled at her. She smiled too, but forcibly.
= = = = = = = = = = = =
We reached home and Suchi set down to prepare dinner while I shifted my bean-bag to the kitchen, and joined her along with my unfinished newspaper. The newspaper was filled with news about major IT companies across the globe downsizing their workforce. I quickly scanned through the initial pages, ignoring any headline that contained the words ‘IT’ or ‘Workforce’ or ‘Unemployment’ or ‘Recession’. At the end of this scan, I was pretty much left with no news to read. That is when a headline caught my eyes which said, “Fifty farmers commit suicide in UP!” I read it aloud for Suchi to hear.
“Oh my gosh!” Suchi exclaimed. “Why on earth did so many people commit suicide at the same time?” she continued as she threw some spices into the crackling pan. I read further to answer Suchi’s query.
I read out the initial paragraph of the article aloud…
“Incidence of farmers ending their lives in the western UP region has hit epidemic proportions. Since a long time, Indian farmers have been facing a number of socioeconomic problems, such as harassment by moneylenders, inability to repay debts following crop loss, inability to get medical treatment for the family, etc. The problem is compounded by lack of positive and cooperative support from banks especially in the face of inclement weather and market fluctuations…”
I paused and looked at Suchi. She looked back at me with an expression that questioned me, “What?”
“I am just wondering if that wizard Mr. Ganesh and other astrologers like him could have prescribed some stones which could have saved the lives of these farmers.” I said.
Suchi looked away and said, “Aadi… stop being sarcastic! I am sure that astrology does have some positive impact on people’s lives. Otherwise how do you explain the large number followers of this science?”
Suchi could not convince me. Nonetheless, I did not argue further and continued reading the article with thoughts about this ‘vicious circle’ swarming across my mind. If those poor farmers could afford such expensive gem stones to turn their luck – would they even be in this misery to begin with? In fact, any human who can afford the near two lakhs rupees worth of good-luck charm for oneself, doesn’t seem to be in a too bad state.
Look at me - The problem for me is that I do not have a job, and hence no money. And the incredibly intelligent astrological solution to my problem is ‘Spend a huge sum of money on an emerald!’ Ridiculing this so called ‘science’, I put aside the newspaper and moved out of the kitchen to ease my mind.
= = = = = = = = = = = =
“Aadi, if you are going inside to watch TV, could you please see if ‘The Cooking Show’ has begun on NDTV? It is almost time,” said Suchi as soon as she saw me walking out. My wife had developed this new-found interest in cooking shows. Sadly, the knowledge gained from such shows was seldom put into practice within the premises of our kitchen.
“Sure,” I yelled back.
Brushing aside all thoughts about astrology, emeralds and jobs, I slouched on the bed and switched on Cartoon Network. Like every time, I turned to Tom and Jerry for refreshing my thoughts.
“Aadiiiii… could you switch to NDTV please…” yelled my wife from the kitchen. Needless to say, I had to use the remote control immediately against my wishes.
NDTV it was. The program information read ‘Teleshopping Commercial’. My wife’s program was due in five minutes; hence I decided to switch back to Tom and Jerry. Nonetheless before touching the remote, I yelled back to Suchi to safeguard myself from any further yelling, “Your program will begin after five minutes…”
As I picked up the remote, I saw an ugly old man dressed like a priest blabbering some scholarly stuff endlessly. Although whatever met my eyes was very repelling, but what met my ears caught my attention. “… and to ward off evil energies caused by your planetary positions, we bring for you this Zodiac Device,” saying this, the old man held up a small golden pyramid.
“Placing this Zodiac Device at the east-most corner of your house will bring success and money at your doorsteps!” he continued.
Further he added, “Along with this 22 carat gold Device you will get a gold plated pendant as per your Zodiac sign absolutely free! And all this comes to you at the price of only rupees thirty thousand…”
AAAAARRRRGHHHHHH!!! I switched off the TV.
“Suchi, please do not begin with the narration about our wretched lives now.” I tried to dodge the topic and the subsequent conversation which it was heading towards. “Come in first… I have prepared coffee for us. Let’s enjoy that for the moment and then we can discuss our problems over dinner,“ I added.
“Did you get any calls today?” Suchi continued as she entered through the door, completely ignoring my advice.
“Yes, I did get a couple of calls.” I replied.
“And?” Suchi looked at me with anticipation.
“Both the jobs expect me to work in night shifts. I turned them down… Can we please have our coffees now?” I was beginning to get irritated. Suchi could make that out and sensibly rushed to the kitchen to get our cups.
= = = = = = = = = = = =
I strolled towards my bean bag, picking up the day’s newspaper before dropping into the sack. Fishing out the Times Ascent – the careers supplement of the newspaper, I tried to re-initiate a hopeless search. This same supplement used to be a thick 16 to 20 pages booklet just three month back, but see what ‘recession’ has done to this indispensable part of our Wednesday mornings! Three years back all the wise men in the world had started blaming everything on the Global Warming. Three years later, today, ‘Global Warming’ has been left far behind by ‘Recession’ in the race to the title of ‘The Biggest Destroyer of Mankind’.
“Here’s your coffee…” Suchi handed the cup to me and snatched the newspaper supplement from my hand. Flipping through the pages of the supplement Suchi muttered, “Don’t worry dear… everything will be okay soon.” Huh… here you go - the depressed comforting the demoralized.
“Excuse me madam… it is you who was cribbing just a minute back,” I retaliated. “I am fine… in fact, I am enjoying my new role as the home-maker to the fullest,” I lied.
“The wonderful coffee made by you does wonders to me, you know,” Suchi winked at me. My coffee sure did transform my wife amazingly. Am I getting good at cooking due to the regular practice that I am getting by sitting at home, or is it a hidden talent that I was born with but remained untapped all these years? Perhaps I should evaluate options in this field as well. In fact the Times Ascent did have a half-page advertisement from Hotel Crowne Plaza.
= = = = = = = = = = = =
“Sweetheart… will you listen to me if I asked you to do a small favor? For me… please…” Suchi brought me back to the real world from my five star hotel’s kitchen in a jiffy.
I looked at her enquiringly…
“You know Mr. Ganesh, right?” Suchi began. Judging by the sweetness in her tone, I was pretty confident that she is going to shoot the weirdest possible request at the unguarded me.
“Mr. Ganesh who?” I replied with a confused look. I knew this chap, Ganesh pretty well. Ganesh was the self-proclaimed astrologer in Suchi’s office, who often gave free unasked-for astrological advise to people in her office.
“Mr. Ganesh, dear… the palmist about who I had told you once. Remember?” Suchi kept away her half-finished cup of coffee and focused all her attention and energy towards reminding me who Ganesh was!
“Oh yes…” I surrendered, unable to hold my pretentious ignorance any longer. “What about Ganesh? What did that rogue say now?” I enquired.
“Hey, he’s not a rogue Aadi!” Suchi’s soft tone changed into a stern one within no time. “Mr. Ganesh is a very good human being. He does social service, and does not charge a single penny for the palm-reading service that he does.” Suchi could go on about this guy; hence I had to meekly stop the argument from my end for peace to prevail in our home that evening.
“Okay, so what favor did you want me to do on you dear?” I asked Suchi, trying to take her away from the topic of Ganesh. Little did I know that the ‘favor’ and Ganesh were linked to each other with super glue.
“I spoke to Mr. Ganesh about the bad phase that we are going through in our lives because of your career which is down in the dumps, and my job insecurity,” Suchi began.
“Thanks for sharing such nice words about me with a stranger,” I taunted Suchi.
“Aadi… Mr. Ganesh is not a stranger.” Suchi replied. “In fact, when I told him that we are facing problems in our lives, he immediately looked at my forehead and told me that he sees my husband’s job-related problems in my life! Can you believe that?” Suchi exclaimed with raised eyebrows.
“I bet he saw all this in his magic ball last night,” I mocked. Suchi wasn’t amused, and continued with her narration nonchalantly. “Then, Mr. Ganesh asked for your date of birth and place of birth from me, and told me that this problem is due to a bad planet in your astrological chart!” Suchi held on to her expression with the raised eyebrows for a longer while this time.
“Oh my god! Now what should I do to kick out this ‘bad planet’?” I scornfully asked Suchi.
“You cannot ‘kick off’ a bad planet Aadi! You will have to ‘appease it by wearing your lucky gem in the little finger of your right hand as per your horoscope,” Suchi did not even blink once while she was uttering these saintly words.
“I don’t believe you Suchi… are you off your mind?!” I screamed. “You know very well that I do not believe in all this baloney,“ I added.
“Please Aadi… listen to me for once. There is no harm in trying…” Suchi debated with me. After a bout of argument between Suchi and me, like any other member of the ‘smart husbands community’, I devised a technique to ward off the topic for the moment.
“Okay… okay… I will get the ring,” I concluded. “Please freshen up now, as only then we can have our dinner!” I added. With these last words, I was sure that I have put an end to the topic – at least for the moment.
“Hey, we need to go to the gem shop right now!” Suchi caught me off guard with this proposal of hers.
“What! You must be kidding!” I exclaimed.
“No, I am not dear… Mr. Ganesh has referred me to a gem shop in our neighborhood. We can go and order for the ring right away,” Suchi responded.
“But why are you in such a hurry to change my luck? I can manage being unemployed for a couple of more days!” I retorted.
“No Aadi, we do not have time. You have to start wearing the ring only on a Thursday – which is tomorrow!” saying this, Suchi grabbed my bike keys and pulled me by my arm out of the house. Within no time we were driving off to the gem shop.
= = = = = = = = = = = =
“That ass Ganesh has even referred my wife to a particular shop! I could bet that the shop pays a heavy commission to Ganesh as referral fees! So much for his ‘free’ social service…” I spoke to myself. However, if wearing a meager ring could keep my wife happy, I have no qualms about the same.
Moreover, I saw myself benefiting if the ring worked, or even if it didn’t.
Option 1: If I would manage to get a job after wearing the ring, I will not be accused of having a career which is ‘down in the dumps’.
Option 2: If I would NOT get a job after wearing the ring (which seemed like the more likely option), then I would prove my point about rogues like Ganesh and the trash called Astrology.
With a silent smile I parked my bike in front of ‘Taraash - A Government Recognized Gem Store’.
“Can you show us a good emerald please?” Suchi dug out a piece of paper from her purse and read out of it to the old man over the counter.
“Sure madam… how many carats?” the old man enquired.
“Six or above,” my wife read out from the piece of paper again. “We need it on a gold ring,” Suchi added.
Now this came as a shock to me. On a ‘Gold’ ring!! I pulled Suchi away from the counter and whispered to her, “Gold! Are you nuts?”
The old man over the counter looked away. I believe my whisper was a little too loud and evidently audible to him. Suchi signaled me to keep quiet and whispered back “Shhh… the emerald will not have any impact on your planets if it is not put on a gold ring… Mr. Ganesh very distinctively mentioned this.”
“Rest assured that Ganesh is in for a lot of trouble if I get to meet him!” I could not control my wrath.
“Please Aadi… shut up and select an emerald for yourself!” saying this Suchi pulled be back to the counter. “Ahem!” she signaled to the old man to attend to us again after our short private meeting.
“The gold ring itself will cost you approximately fifteen thousand rupees! Emerald price extra!” the old man wanted to be sure about our money-spending prowess before he invested any more of his sales skills on us.
“Did you hear that? How many times have I told you to be dressed properly when you come out for shopping?” Suchi whispered to me accompanied with a nudge.
If the price revelation of the gold wasn’t enough to kill me, Suchi’s painful nudge was definitely near-fatal! I looked at my reflection on the glass behind the counter – I did not look too bad in my shorts and the green t-shirt. In fact I even wore matching green sandals. What does this old man know about the latest trends in dressing? To top that, did Suchi give me a chance to even brush my hair before rushing out for gem-shopping? I decided not to waste my near exhausted energies on any other argument for the day.
“Yes… yes… that is not a problem!” Suchi assured the old man in the shop. Only after he got this assurance from Suchi, did he bring out the box containing the gem stones from beneath the counter. The box contained green colored gem stones of various sizes. Fishing out a peanut-sized emerald from the box, he put it on the weighing scale. The digital display read 5.5. He shook his head and fished out a slightly larger stone and placed it on the scale. Scale reading: 6.2 – mission accomplished. Suchi looked at me and smiled with a sense of accomplishment, before nodding to the old man.
The lethargic salesman had completed half his task, and for the rest of the task he keyed in some numbers into the calculator lying at the billing counter. As he was using the calculator, I could hear him mutter some astounding numbers under his breath… “Twenty five thousand… six-point two…”, and the rest of the words were inaudible. But I didn’t have to wait for long before he looked up at us and gave us the verdict. “At the rate of rupees twenty five thousand per carat, the 6.2 carat emerald will cost you rupees one lakh and fifty five thousand only!”, he concluded.
Did he use the suffix ‘only’ for this colossal amount too?
Suchi looked at me in awe. I reciprocated with the exact same look. Oblivious about the whole reaction given by us, the old man continued with his sales pitch, “… and including the gold ring, you will have to pay just rupees one lakh and seventy thousand. Discounted price – especially for you madam.” Saying this he looked at Suchi finally. I suppose the look on Suchi’s face was too revealing, and so was mine – the old man understood our intentions.
“We… We will come back…” Suchi managed to utter these few words before walking me out of the shop. We did not turn back to look at the old man’s face. We did not speak to each other till we reached the place where I had parked my bike.
“It is a little too expensive for us right now… isn’t it Aadi?” Suchi uttered these words to cut the silence that was prevailing between us. ‘Little too expensive’ was an understatement – especially in this situation where we were surviving in only one salary. And the job which was generating this salary wasn’t too secure either – thanks to the catastrophe called ‘recession’. I merely nodded my head to show agreement with my wife’s first sensible thoughts in this evening.
Suddenly I realized that all this while, I had overlooked the possibility of Option 3 – the probability that I might not have to wear the ring altogether. The good news was that Option 3 was in my favor too.
Hallelujah! Finally good things are happening in my life.
Without further ado, we mounted my bike and headed back to our home. My wife’s face had an expression which reminded me of a lost warrior returning from the battlefield. I adjusted the rear-view mirror to look at Suchi’s face and smiled at her. She smiled too, but forcibly.
= = = = = = = = = = = =
We reached home and Suchi set down to prepare dinner while I shifted my bean-bag to the kitchen, and joined her along with my unfinished newspaper. The newspaper was filled with news about major IT companies across the globe downsizing their workforce. I quickly scanned through the initial pages, ignoring any headline that contained the words ‘IT’ or ‘Workforce’ or ‘Unemployment’ or ‘Recession’. At the end of this scan, I was pretty much left with no news to read. That is when a headline caught my eyes which said, “Fifty farmers commit suicide in UP!” I read it aloud for Suchi to hear.
“Oh my gosh!” Suchi exclaimed. “Why on earth did so many people commit suicide at the same time?” she continued as she threw some spices into the crackling pan. I read further to answer Suchi’s query.
I read out the initial paragraph of the article aloud…
“Incidence of farmers ending their lives in the western UP region has hit epidemic proportions. Since a long time, Indian farmers have been facing a number of socioeconomic problems, such as harassment by moneylenders, inability to repay debts following crop loss, inability to get medical treatment for the family, etc. The problem is compounded by lack of positive and cooperative support from banks especially in the face of inclement weather and market fluctuations…”
I paused and looked at Suchi. She looked back at me with an expression that questioned me, “What?”
“I am just wondering if that wizard Mr. Ganesh and other astrologers like him could have prescribed some stones which could have saved the lives of these farmers.” I said.
Suchi looked away and said, “Aadi… stop being sarcastic! I am sure that astrology does have some positive impact on people’s lives. Otherwise how do you explain the large number followers of this science?”
Suchi could not convince me. Nonetheless, I did not argue further and continued reading the article with thoughts about this ‘vicious circle’ swarming across my mind. If those poor farmers could afford such expensive gem stones to turn their luck – would they even be in this misery to begin with? In fact, any human who can afford the near two lakhs rupees worth of good-luck charm for oneself, doesn’t seem to be in a too bad state.
Look at me - The problem for me is that I do not have a job, and hence no money. And the incredibly intelligent astrological solution to my problem is ‘Spend a huge sum of money on an emerald!’ Ridiculing this so called ‘science’, I put aside the newspaper and moved out of the kitchen to ease my mind.
= = = = = = = = = = = =
“Aadi, if you are going inside to watch TV, could you please see if ‘The Cooking Show’ has begun on NDTV? It is almost time,” said Suchi as soon as she saw me walking out. My wife had developed this new-found interest in cooking shows. Sadly, the knowledge gained from such shows was seldom put into practice within the premises of our kitchen.
“Sure,” I yelled back.
Brushing aside all thoughts about astrology, emeralds and jobs, I slouched on the bed and switched on Cartoon Network. Like every time, I turned to Tom and Jerry for refreshing my thoughts.
“Aadiiiii… could you switch to NDTV please…” yelled my wife from the kitchen. Needless to say, I had to use the remote control immediately against my wishes.
NDTV it was. The program information read ‘Teleshopping Commercial’. My wife’s program was due in five minutes; hence I decided to switch back to Tom and Jerry. Nonetheless before touching the remote, I yelled back to Suchi to safeguard myself from any further yelling, “Your program will begin after five minutes…”
As I picked up the remote, I saw an ugly old man dressed like a priest blabbering some scholarly stuff endlessly. Although whatever met my eyes was very repelling, but what met my ears caught my attention. “… and to ward off evil energies caused by your planetary positions, we bring for you this Zodiac Device,” saying this, the old man held up a small golden pyramid.
“Placing this Zodiac Device at the east-most corner of your house will bring success and money at your doorsteps!” he continued.
Further he added, “Along with this 22 carat gold Device you will get a gold plated pendant as per your Zodiac sign absolutely free! And all this comes to you at the price of only rupees thirty thousand…”
AAAAARRRRGHHHHHH!!! I switched off the TV.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
… to "BA" or not to "BY"
“It's been more than three years that we've been married… don’t you think that we should plan for a baby now?” My wife had just drawn the curtains open, and as soon as the first ray of sunlight forced it's way into my eyes, she shot this question at me.
“What! Are you crazy?” I tried to bring her back to her senses.
“Aadi… I am serious,” she replied. “I will be 27 years old this December and mom was saying…”
Oh no! Did she say those three dreaded words - “mom was saying”?
I looked at the wall clock. The time was quarter to eight. When on earth did she speak to her mom?
“Aadi, could you at least not look away from me when I am speaking to you?”
“Suchi, I can hear you from a mile when you are shouting like that. I don't need to look at you!” And, saying this I realized that I had ruined all chances of sinking my teeth into the yummy sausages I could smell being fried in the kitchen.
Suchi looked at me in awe. Immediately I changed my tone to a softer scale.
“Okay dear… I am sorry.” Anything to get a last shot at those sausages. “What was my dear mom-in-law saying?”
“Stop ridiculing my mom! Anyways, she was saying that both of us are approaching 30, and we should plan a baby before it is too late!”
“What does she mean by saying ‘before it is too late’? Just yesterday I read a news about some 70-year old lady giving birth to twins!” saying this I jumped up on my feet and headed towards the bundle of old newspaper to dig out the last day’s edition. When you are having a debate with your wife, it is always advisable to be armed with supporting evidences.
“I was trying to have a serious conversation with you, Aadi. God knows when you will grow up!” uttering these famous last words, which virtually translates to “You are an ass and I win this fight’, Suchi left the room.
I did not try to stop her. I was engrossed in fishing out the article from the newspaper. Peevishly as I rampaged through its pages, the magical headlines appeared before my eyes: ‘World's oldest mother gives birth to twins at 70’. Further down in the article it also mentioned that the husband was 77 years old.
Eureka! I rushed to the kitchen with this article.
“But mom also said that Khanna Aunty’s daughter, Anu got married earlier this year and she is already two-months pregnant!” Suchi murmured as soon as I had put my first step outside the kitchen.
“What!” I turned back immediately. “Didn’t Anu marry that ICICI Branch Manager, Rohan just three months back?” I reconfirmed.
“Yes, and Anu is already pregnant. And to add to that, she is three years younger to me!” Suchi added. I knew from her dialogues that all this has been downloaded into her brain by my mother-in-law early in the morning today.
“Mom also said that all the other aunties ask her questions about why we do not have a kid as of yet!” Now it was even more evident that when I was sleeping, that old lady was brainwashing my helpless and innocent wife.
“Suchi!” I started. “We are not answerable to or competing with anybody here… please!” I expressed my firm stand. “What was Rohan thinking? I mean is marriage done only to reproduce! Whatever happened to the concepts of protected sex!” I felt that I could place a big punch on Rohan’s face right away if I found him in accessible distance.
“Aadi… please! Let us not discuss about other people’s personal decisions. What Rohan and Anu do is none of our business!” Suchi tried to cut out the topic.
“Exactly! And what we do is not anybody else’s business too…” I said and walked off.
= = = = = = =
I was totally pissed off by now. I was angrier on these aunties spread across the world who could not ever mind their own business. No, perhaps I was angrier on these Rohans in this world who could not keep their testosterones under control for even a moment! Screw all!
I picked the morning’s newspaper and crashed down on my bean bag. The headlines were of no interest today. Let me jump to the sports section. On second thoughts, I should read the whole newspaper carefully. Just because I had read the last day’s newspaper so profusely, could I win today’s argument, isn’t it?
= = = = = = =
With mixed thoughts and anger, as I was trying to drown myself into the newspaper, I felt Suchi’s soft hands wrap around me from behind.
“I am sorry baby,” she whispered into my years. “I did not mean to make you upset.”
“Hmm… “ I said. Although that warm touch and those loving words from Suchi was enough to make me smile, but still I felt that I could get some more pampering from her by acting a bit difficult.
“I promise that I will never take out this topic about having a baby ever again until you are comfortable about it,” Suchi said. “For the time being I am happy taking care of this one baby of mine,” saying this she planted a kiss on my cheek.
I could not hold on to my fake attitude any longer. “I am sorry too dear,” I said. Putting aside the newspaper I added, “Since you are so good to me, I too will at least give a thought about this topic of having a baby,” I promised. Suchi smiled back.
“Now please get ready quickly… we are both getting late for office,” Suchi brought me back to the real moment. “Your breakfast is on the table Aadi!” saying this she went off to get ready.
I too quickly gulped down my grub and got dressed for office in a jiffy.
“Bye dear. See you in the evening,” we wished each other, and in no time we ran off to the parking lot to set off in our respective vehicles.
= = = = = = =
“Whoa… what a beginning to the day!” I thought aloud as I drove my bike. However, the part to worry about was that the loving words at the end from my wife had set me thinking on the path which I would otherwise never even dream of treading upon.
“Am I ready to have another member in our family yet?” I asked myself. Why not? I mean most of my office colleagues who are of my age have kids in kindergarten already. Does that mean that I am the only exception? Do I not have the balls to get a baby to this world?
But even if we have a baby, will Suchi leave her job and take care of the kid? Oh my god! That is even worse, as it will mean that our collective salary becomes half! To hell with people who raise a question at me or my masculinity, I surely don’t have the guts to take care of a baby with a single salary. And if we too get a twin like that 70 plus year old couple – we will surely be dead!
With these thoughts haunting my mind, I brought my bike to a screeching halt, just two inches behind the bumper of the car in front of me. I did not notice the red light at the traffic signal.
“Aadi dear… please keep your eyes on the road if you would like to have a baby EVER IN YOUR LIFE!” I explained to myself. I closed my eyes to gather myself. As soon as I closed my eyes, I heard the giggle of a baby right behind me. Oh no… am I imagining things?
I opened my eyes and adjusted the rear view mirror of my bike to catch a glimpse of the source of that pleasant sound. Yes, there as a baby boy sitting in front of his dad on the bike behind me. He was chirping sweet nothings to his dad and his dad seemed too happy to be true. Wow, that sure was a beautiful sight. Perhaps I did not see this positive side of this whole experience since morning. I think I want to be a happy dad too…
= = = = = = =
No sooner had I convinced myself about at least one good thing about having a baby, the kid behind me let off a sneeze. His face was still clearly visible on my rear view mirror and I could clearly see the thick light greenish yellow liquid that dropped out of his nose and kept hanging there.
As if my level of disgust had not already touched its peak, the kid wiped his nose with his hand smearing the yucky viscous liquid on his face. The dad, oblivious of this whole act, kept on laughing and talking to the baby, and within seconds all I could focus on in my mirror was the mucus colored face of this baby which looked oh-so-cute just a moment ago.
The traffic light turned green, I put my bike in the first gear and zoomed off instantly – leaving behind me that baby, his dad and any plans of having a baby of my own for the next hundred years…
= = = = = = =
“What! Are you crazy?” I tried to bring her back to her senses.
“Aadi… I am serious,” she replied. “I will be 27 years old this December and mom was saying…”
Oh no! Did she say those three dreaded words - “mom was saying”?
I looked at the wall clock. The time was quarter to eight. When on earth did she speak to her mom?
“Aadi, could you at least not look away from me when I am speaking to you?”
“Suchi, I can hear you from a mile when you are shouting like that. I don't need to look at you!” And, saying this I realized that I had ruined all chances of sinking my teeth into the yummy sausages I could smell being fried in the kitchen.
Suchi looked at me in awe. Immediately I changed my tone to a softer scale.
“Okay dear… I am sorry.” Anything to get a last shot at those sausages. “What was my dear mom-in-law saying?”
“Stop ridiculing my mom! Anyways, she was saying that both of us are approaching 30, and we should plan a baby before it is too late!”
“What does she mean by saying ‘before it is too late’? Just yesterday I read a news about some 70-year old lady giving birth to twins!” saying this I jumped up on my feet and headed towards the bundle of old newspaper to dig out the last day’s edition. When you are having a debate with your wife, it is always advisable to be armed with supporting evidences.
“I was trying to have a serious conversation with you, Aadi. God knows when you will grow up!” uttering these famous last words, which virtually translates to “You are an ass and I win this fight’, Suchi left the room.
I did not try to stop her. I was engrossed in fishing out the article from the newspaper. Peevishly as I rampaged through its pages, the magical headlines appeared before my eyes: ‘World's oldest mother gives birth to twins at 70’. Further down in the article it also mentioned that the husband was 77 years old.
Eureka! I rushed to the kitchen with this article.
“Suchi, look here… read this article.”
“I am not interested. And, I am getting late for work.”
“Just take a look at the title of this article.”
“Okay. Okay. I get your point…” Suchi replied.
“Okay. Okay. I get your point…” Suchi replied.
With a victorious smile on my face, I folded the newspaper and turned back to go to my room.
* * *
“But mom also said that Khanna Aunty’s daughter, Anu got married earlier this year and she is already two-months pregnant!” Suchi murmured as soon as I had put my first step outside the kitchen.
“What!” I turned back immediately. “Didn’t Anu marry that ICICI Branch Manager, Rohan just three months back?” I reconfirmed.
“Yes, and Anu is already pregnant. And to add to that, she is three years younger to me!” Suchi added. I knew from her dialogues that all this has been downloaded into her brain by my mother-in-law early in the morning today.
“Mom also said that all the other aunties ask her questions about why we do not have a kid as of yet!” Now it was even more evident that when I was sleeping, that old lady was brainwashing my helpless and innocent wife.
“Suchi!” I started. “We are not answerable to or competing with anybody here… please!” I expressed my firm stand. “What was Rohan thinking? I mean is marriage done only to reproduce! Whatever happened to the concepts of protected sex!” I felt that I could place a big punch on Rohan’s face right away if I found him in accessible distance.
“Aadi… please! Let us not discuss about other people’s personal decisions. What Rohan and Anu do is none of our business!” Suchi tried to cut out the topic.
“Exactly! And what we do is not anybody else’s business too…” I said and walked off.
= = = = = = =
I was totally pissed off by now. I was angrier on these aunties spread across the world who could not ever mind their own business. No, perhaps I was angrier on these Rohans in this world who could not keep their testosterones under control for even a moment! Screw all!
I picked the morning’s newspaper and crashed down on my bean bag. The headlines were of no interest today. Let me jump to the sports section. On second thoughts, I should read the whole newspaper carefully. Just because I had read the last day’s newspaper so profusely, could I win today’s argument, isn’t it?
= = = = = = =
With mixed thoughts and anger, as I was trying to drown myself into the newspaper, I felt Suchi’s soft hands wrap around me from behind.
“I am sorry baby,” she whispered into my years. “I did not mean to make you upset.”
“Hmm… “ I said. Although that warm touch and those loving words from Suchi was enough to make me smile, but still I felt that I could get some more pampering from her by acting a bit difficult.
“I promise that I will never take out this topic about having a baby ever again until you are comfortable about it,” Suchi said. “For the time being I am happy taking care of this one baby of mine,” saying this she planted a kiss on my cheek.
I could not hold on to my fake attitude any longer. “I am sorry too dear,” I said. Putting aside the newspaper I added, “Since you are so good to me, I too will at least give a thought about this topic of having a baby,” I promised. Suchi smiled back.
“Now please get ready quickly… we are both getting late for office,” Suchi brought me back to the real moment. “Your breakfast is on the table Aadi!” saying this she went off to get ready.
I too quickly gulped down my grub and got dressed for office in a jiffy.
“Bye dear. See you in the evening,” we wished each other, and in no time we ran off to the parking lot to set off in our respective vehicles.
= = = = = = =
“Whoa… what a beginning to the day!” I thought aloud as I drove my bike. However, the part to worry about was that the loving words at the end from my wife had set me thinking on the path which I would otherwise never even dream of treading upon.
“Am I ready to have another member in our family yet?” I asked myself. Why not? I mean most of my office colleagues who are of my age have kids in kindergarten already. Does that mean that I am the only exception? Do I not have the balls to get a baby to this world?
But even if we have a baby, will Suchi leave her job and take care of the kid? Oh my god! That is even worse, as it will mean that our collective salary becomes half! To hell with people who raise a question at me or my masculinity, I surely don’t have the guts to take care of a baby with a single salary. And if we too get a twin like that 70 plus year old couple – we will surely be dead!
With these thoughts haunting my mind, I brought my bike to a screeching halt, just two inches behind the bumper of the car in front of me. I did not notice the red light at the traffic signal.
“Aadi dear… please keep your eyes on the road if you would like to have a baby EVER IN YOUR LIFE!” I explained to myself. I closed my eyes to gather myself. As soon as I closed my eyes, I heard the giggle of a baby right behind me. Oh no… am I imagining things?
I opened my eyes and adjusted the rear view mirror of my bike to catch a glimpse of the source of that pleasant sound. Yes, there as a baby boy sitting in front of his dad on the bike behind me. He was chirping sweet nothings to his dad and his dad seemed too happy to be true. Wow, that sure was a beautiful sight. Perhaps I did not see this positive side of this whole experience since morning. I think I want to be a happy dad too…
= = = = = = =
No sooner had I convinced myself about at least one good thing about having a baby, the kid behind me let off a sneeze. His face was still clearly visible on my rear view mirror and I could clearly see the thick light greenish yellow liquid that dropped out of his nose and kept hanging there.
As if my level of disgust had not already touched its peak, the kid wiped his nose with his hand smearing the yucky viscous liquid on his face. The dad, oblivious of this whole act, kept on laughing and talking to the baby, and within seconds all I could focus on in my mirror was the mucus colored face of this baby which looked oh-so-cute just a moment ago.
The traffic light turned green, I put my bike in the first gear and zoomed off instantly – leaving behind me that baby, his dad and any plans of having a baby of my own for the next hundred years…
= = = = = = =
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
• Behind bars… well almost!
The phone rings…
I am too cozy inside my rug to get up and attend the call. I stretch out for my life saver of the hour – my pillow. Pulling it up over my head, I manage to subdue the noise…
Zzzzzzz…….
Beep Beep… Beep Beep…
Now it’s the turn of the notorious alarm clock. Even the pillow over my head fails to drown the shrilling blare. I have to give up.
Pulling myself out of the rug, I somehow manage to shut the darn thing off, but by then the phone starts ringing again.
“Good morning sir… this is your wake up call for 9 AM. We have been trying to wake you up since an hour now. Have a great day!”
Gosh! It is already quarter past 10… Sam and Jose would kill me.
No they won’t kill me, they aren’t that bad. But I am sure they are in the middle of their breakfast at this moment and by the time I reach, the breakfast service would have ended!! Now that is even worse than getting killed by Sam and Jose!
I quickly enter the toilet… Sitting there I start contemplating about ways in which I could at the least grab an omelet from the restaurant. Brushing my teeth and shaving are two tasks which I could do without at this critical situation. That leaves me with just one task – getting dressed!
* * *
This is where I will eclipse my toilet exploits for a while and throw some light on some more important information. If you are wondering, where I am at this moment, I am in a hotel at a country in Middle East with my team for business.
“Business” – That is what we “sales folks” term anything and everything that we do at work. We travel for “business” trips, attend “business” meetings. Even our visas are known as “business” visas and sometimes if we get lucky, we even travel “business” class. So now that I have explained the importance of this word in our lives, I will continue with my story. After a long and hectic conference in the country, today was Friday – the weekend of the Middle East. From tomorrow we begin our series of “business” meetings.
It is very rare for us to get some time for ourselves during our business trip, so Sam and Jose had left no stone unturned to make this day as eventful as possible. That explains the 10:30 AM deadline, when we are to set out of the hotel for the biggest shopping center in the city.
The agenda? Shopping, movies and eating out.
Eating out… phew!! If ever I am travelling to a foreign country with Sam, it is always turns out to be a herculean task to get food at the right time. Sam’s fervor for Indian food always results in us roaming endlessly in unchartered territories. However, the end result always makes it up for the effort put in, as I too am not too fond of cold sandwiches and near-raw meat that are usually served at most places abroad.
* * *
Now back to my toilet saga…
I look down… the shorts that I am wearing seem good enough for the outing that we have planned for today. Looking further down I conclude that the sandals aren’t bad either. All I need to do now is wash, flush and rush – which I finish off in no time. On my way out I quickly grab my green t-shirt, and try to slither it over my head – and this is when my left foot gets caught in the carpet and I come crashing down – BANG!!
“Little do I realize at this time that this is the supernatural power in action, which is trying to give me a not-so subtle hint about something being absolutely not right.”
I rise unperturbed and rush to the restaurant.
* * *
It is already 10:25 AM when I reach the restaurant. The welcome board yells out at me, “Breakfast: 6:30 AM to 10:30 AM”. I mock at the board and rush to the omelet counter.
As I am about to place my order, a voice booms out from over my shoulder, “four egg whites, with salt onion and pepper… and yes, cooked well from both sides”. Hey that’s exactly what I want. I turn back to see Jose smiling at me. “Sir, this order is already set for you at the table…” saying this he points towards Sam, who is waving at me from the corner table.
“Good morning Aadi”, says Sam as I pull up my chair at the table. I could see that Jose had already finished his continental breakfast and was just left with some coffee. Sam cleans his plate by taking the last bite of his French toast.
“You can do a huge favor on us by just managing with this omelet today bro…” Sam tells me. Although he puts it as a request to me but I know Sam means business. “The least you could have done is shaved before coming down for breakfast…” Sam’s mocking continues.
* * *
Till the time I think of giving back a good answer to Sam, let me give you his brief introduction. Sam, the sales head of our group, is the boss of Jose and me. Sales is his life and in every part of his life.
His goal? - To make every member of his team the best sales person in this world.
Since the last one year, ever since he has hired me, Sam has been on his toes to make me presentable as a valuable member of the ‘Sales fraternity’; however some nuts like me are difficult to crack. Although in my defense I can say that I have modified myself a lot – from being the torn-jeans-n-slippers lad from the city, I have now become a so-called high-flying executive who wears suits for most of his day-time activities and shirts with cufflinks for his sun-down engagements. I have even sacrificed my long tresses for this job and my ambition to get a tattoo on my right arm seems like a distant dream now.
However, underneath this strict and no-nonsense shell of Sam lies a caring elder brother who makes sure that even the roughest weathers pass through him before touching his team.
* * *
“Come on Sam… it is the weekend today,” I say. “And moreover, I had shaved last night only…” I add.
“Then you better do something about your hyper-active hormones Aadi, that cause your facial hair to grow back so fast,” Sam strikes back.
I am stubborn, but I am not stupid. I know when to shut up during an argument – especially when there seems to be no chance of the decision going in my favor. I silently set out to finish my breakfast – if you can call that a breakfast.
* * *
“I have called the taxi and it is waiting for us outside the hotel,” Jose declares with a glance at his watch. That is typical Jose… always so particular and so perfect. Now that I have mentioned about this guy and since I have some time till we walk up to the taxi, let me take this opportunity to introduce my counterpart, Jose.
Jose is the perfect example of the good boy that we used to have as class-monitors in our schools.
He always wakes up in time in the morning, finishes all his tasks on time, shaves impeccably every day! And his clothes… his clothes are always formal… yes ALWAYS. Even on a weekend, Jose dresses up in a crisp ironed shirt and a pleated trouser. I sometimes wonder if this guy ever gets into his pajamas, or does he sleep in his business suit?
* * *
As we step out in the smoldering heat of the Middle East summers, Jose spots our taxi and runs towards it. This is when Sam slips something into my pocket and walks off. I dig into my pocket to extract a handful of dry fruits and nuts. I shout out to Sam, “Thanks for that…”
He winks at me and says, “I know that omelet won’t be able to sustain you for more than an hour dude… keep munching till I treat you guys to a grand Indian lunch today!” Popping an almond into my mouth, I follow him to the taxi.
“To the City Center,” Jose directs the driver. Each of us gets busy immediately in directing the AC vent towards our faces. Phew! This heat could roast a duck live on the streets…
“Where are you from?” the driver tries to strike a conversation.
“India,” Jose replies.
“Me from Pakistan,” the driver answers an unasked question.
In no time the conversation between the driver and Jose moves on from countries to Indian movies and Indian film stars. Sam chooses to be the silent spectator, while I wonder about the fact that how could the people from Pakistan who we meet abroad be so friendly with us and vice versa. If only our political leaders could take a few tips from us…
Pondering over this thought, I set out on my mission to hog down the dry-fruits given to me by Sam, before anybody else gets into the mood of munching on a few themselves. In no time we reach our destination and incidentally I too finish my extended breakfast.
* * *
As soon as we enter the mall, we look for directions towards the Carrefour. That’s our global favorite supermarket and on it we rely for our small ration of soft drinks and snacks for our stay during the business trips.
After entering Carrefour, Jose asks me to pick up some cold drink for him and strays away to the books section. Sam and I pick up a cart and begin our shopping expedition. An interesting thing to be pointed out at this moment is that both Sam and I are born shopaholics, and when it comes to this activity we can even put the female of our species to shame. After picking up the regular wafers, biscuits, juices, cold drinks and some chewing gum, we move towards the toys section.
“Why don’t you spend time at a section of your choice, while I pick up some toys for my daughter,” says Sam he adds.
I like the idea as I have pretty much no interest in the toys section.
“Okay then… Catch up with me at the electronics section,” saying this I move on.
* * *
I start looking for directions to the electronics section. That is when I notice a guy staring at my t-shirt with awe. By his attire I can make out that he is a resident of this country. I smile at him and move on…
As I pass by the clothes section, I walk past a mirror. Taking a few steps back I look at myself on the mirror and check if there is something on my t-shirt to attract attention. No… there isn’t.
My gaze travels to the background in the mirror… Oh my God! I see the same guy approaching me from a distance. I start contemplating what might the guy’s intentions be!
“Oh ok… now I understand things a bit clearly,” I explain to myself.
“After ages I have been working out in the gym during this long stay at the hotel. This short stint at the gym might have chiseled out my muscular body from my college body-building days…” I assume. “Moreover, this body-hugging t-shirt fails to be as modest as I am about my well puffed biceps…”
And I have read a lot about homosexuality being openly accepted in countries outside India. With this instance, things start falling into place. However, since my preferences are totally different from this guy’s, this situation calls for an SOS. I take bigger steps towards the electronics section now. On the way I pick up the cold drinks for Jose.
I am sure that the guy must have given up by now. Dropping the cold-drink cans in a cart, I push it towards the sign displaying “Computer Peripherals”.
There is a Sony external hard disk which I have been eyeing since a long while… let me find out if I can afford it with my savings this time.
Little did I know that I had heaved my sigh of relief a little too soon.
“Excuse me Mister!!” a voice booms from behind my back. I turn around and to my horror see the same guy approaching me. This fellow seems to be really desperate to get me.
I ignore his callout and rush towards the toy section. There I see Sam and Jose from a distance and rush to them in no time. Phew… now I am not alone.
“Hey Mister… I think you not hear me! I asking you to stop for so long!” the guy steps in right between me and my colleagues.
* * *
I tell myself, “it is all right Aadi… this man wouldn’t molest you in a public place.” I try all means to pacify myself. I can talk it out and explain to this guy that although I respect his thoughts and inclinations but I wouldn’t be interested in him.
“What’s wrong?” Sam comes out from behind this man. Jose is with him.
“Is he your friend?” the guy asks Sam pointing his finger at me.
“Yes, he is… why do you ask?” Sam retorts.
“Mister… your friend needs to take off his t-shirt RIGHT NOW… else I call the police!” the guy replies.
My jaw drops. I was 100% correct about this guy’s intentions. By now I start believing more in my super powers to judge people – just by looking at a person I can grasp what he is thinking about in no time. However, what bugs me at this situation is how can this guy threaten me so openly?!?
“And may I ask why?” Sam enquires.
“Because in our country alcohol is UNACCEPTABLE… and your friend is wearing a Heineken t-shirt,” he snaps back.
* * *
“What!” Sam, Jose and I gasp in unison.
“Buddy… my friend here is just wearing a Heineken t-shirt… he’s not drinking in public,” Jose tries to play the role of my advocate. Sam nods in agreement.
“I say take off t-shirt or I call police…” the guy adamantly stands by his words.
Finding my friends beside me, I too gather some courage.
“Yes Mister, I am not taking off this t-shirt… do whatever you want to do!” I find my lost voice.
“Oh is it? You are in deep trouble mister… deep trouble!” saying this he walks off.
I feel that I have scared away the idiot. My confidence melts down in no time when Jose whispers to me, “Aadi, I hope we haven’t taken a wrong step by messing around like this in an unknown territory!”
I try to shrug of my fear by saying, “No way Jose… what on earth can that guy do to us?” As soon as I complete my statement, I see the guy returning with two sturdy police men by his sides.
That is enough for my bravery… I look around, spot the nearest sign to the toilet, and flee from the ‘scene of crime’ in a jiffy. I did not see behind me but am sure that close on my heels are Sam and Jose.
* * *
Crashing into the toilet I heave a sigh of relief. Having taken such a twisted and turned path, I am sure that the two overweight policemen and the guy could never have chased me.
I look at my t-shirt in the mirror. Sam and Jose too stare from behind me.
“Take off the darn t-shirt”, Sam says. “You can be in your vest,” he adds.
“If only I would have worn a vest today!” I think out aloud.
“What!” Sam and Jose cry in chorus now. We all are getting better in this skill of exclaiming in accord.
Sam stares at me in fury. I am sure that if the local law doesn’t prosecute me for WEARING the Heineken t-shirt, Sam would certainly hang me for NOT WEARING a vest. In the sales-grooming lessons of Sam, “ALWAYS wear a vest!” was lesson number two – which came a close second after “Shave EVERYDAY!”
In sheer anxiety, I quickly take off my t-shirt. As I shed the piece of cloth from my body, a wee bit of smile curves up in Jose’s face.
“Eureka!” he screams.
I look at Jose in bewilderment. Sam reciprocates my feelings.
“Aadi… I have got an idea!” Jose shouts out in joy. “Just wear your t-shirt like it is now – inside out!” Jose explains.
I look down at my t-shirt. It has turned inside out while I was taking it off – and now it is nothing but a plain gray t-shirt. Without second thoughts I wear my inside out t-shirt and we catch the first taxi back to our hotel.
* * *
The journey back to the hotel is pretty uneventful with none of us uttering a single word throughout the entire drive. I presume that like me the other two are also just praying to their respective gods for saving our asses today.
We enter the hotel and after a brief adieu, head out to our respective rooms. I fish out my room key and swipe it to open the door to my room. All I need right now is a cool shower to loosen me up.
As I step into my room, I spot a white envelop lying at the entrance. I open it to find an invitation card:
--------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Sir,
As an esteemed club-member of our hotel, we would like to extend to you an invitation to the evening’s special event:
COCKTAIL PARTY!!!
Time: 8:00 PM to 12:00 AM
Venue: Falcon Heights (Rooftop Resto-bar)
Please note: Dress code is Formal for Ladies and Gents.
We look forward to see you there
(signed)
Sales Manager
Event sponsor: Heineken
--------------------------------------------------------------
So much for the ban in liquor in this country…
I am too cozy inside my rug to get up and attend the call. I stretch out for my life saver of the hour – my pillow. Pulling it up over my head, I manage to subdue the noise…
Zzzzzzz…….
Beep Beep… Beep Beep…
Now it’s the turn of the notorious alarm clock. Even the pillow over my head fails to drown the shrilling blare. I have to give up.
Pulling myself out of the rug, I somehow manage to shut the darn thing off, but by then the phone starts ringing again.
“Good morning sir… this is your wake up call for 9 AM. We have been trying to wake you up since an hour now. Have a great day!”
Gosh! It is already quarter past 10… Sam and Jose would kill me.
No they won’t kill me, they aren’t that bad. But I am sure they are in the middle of their breakfast at this moment and by the time I reach, the breakfast service would have ended!! Now that is even worse than getting killed by Sam and Jose!
I quickly enter the toilet… Sitting there I start contemplating about ways in which I could at the least grab an omelet from the restaurant. Brushing my teeth and shaving are two tasks which I could do without at this critical situation. That leaves me with just one task – getting dressed!
* * *
This is where I will eclipse my toilet exploits for a while and throw some light on some more important information. If you are wondering, where I am at this moment, I am in a hotel at a country in Middle East with my team for business.
“Business” – That is what we “sales folks” term anything and everything that we do at work. We travel for “business” trips, attend “business” meetings. Even our visas are known as “business” visas and sometimes if we get lucky, we even travel “business” class. So now that I have explained the importance of this word in our lives, I will continue with my story. After a long and hectic conference in the country, today was Friday – the weekend of the Middle East. From tomorrow we begin our series of “business” meetings.
It is very rare for us to get some time for ourselves during our business trip, so Sam and Jose had left no stone unturned to make this day as eventful as possible. That explains the 10:30 AM deadline, when we are to set out of the hotel for the biggest shopping center in the city.
The agenda? Shopping, movies and eating out.
Eating out… phew!! If ever I am travelling to a foreign country with Sam, it is always turns out to be a herculean task to get food at the right time. Sam’s fervor for Indian food always results in us roaming endlessly in unchartered territories. However, the end result always makes it up for the effort put in, as I too am not too fond of cold sandwiches and near-raw meat that are usually served at most places abroad.
* * *
Now back to my toilet saga…
I look down… the shorts that I am wearing seem good enough for the outing that we have planned for today. Looking further down I conclude that the sandals aren’t bad either. All I need to do now is wash, flush and rush – which I finish off in no time. On my way out I quickly grab my green t-shirt, and try to slither it over my head – and this is when my left foot gets caught in the carpet and I come crashing down – BANG!!
“Little do I realize at this time that this is the supernatural power in action, which is trying to give me a not-so subtle hint about something being absolutely not right.”
I rise unperturbed and rush to the restaurant.
* * *
It is already 10:25 AM when I reach the restaurant. The welcome board yells out at me, “Breakfast: 6:30 AM to 10:30 AM”. I mock at the board and rush to the omelet counter.
As I am about to place my order, a voice booms out from over my shoulder, “four egg whites, with salt onion and pepper… and yes, cooked well from both sides”. Hey that’s exactly what I want. I turn back to see Jose smiling at me. “Sir, this order is already set for you at the table…” saying this he points towards Sam, who is waving at me from the corner table.
“Good morning Aadi”, says Sam as I pull up my chair at the table. I could see that Jose had already finished his continental breakfast and was just left with some coffee. Sam cleans his plate by taking the last bite of his French toast.
“You can do a huge favor on us by just managing with this omelet today bro…” Sam tells me. Although he puts it as a request to me but I know Sam means business. “The least you could have done is shaved before coming down for breakfast…” Sam’s mocking continues.
* * *
Till the time I think of giving back a good answer to Sam, let me give you his brief introduction. Sam, the sales head of our group, is the boss of Jose and me. Sales is his life and in every part of his life.
His goal? - To make every member of his team the best sales person in this world.
Since the last one year, ever since he has hired me, Sam has been on his toes to make me presentable as a valuable member of the ‘Sales fraternity’; however some nuts like me are difficult to crack. Although in my defense I can say that I have modified myself a lot – from being the torn-jeans-n-slippers lad from the city, I have now become a so-called high-flying executive who wears suits for most of his day-time activities and shirts with cufflinks for his sun-down engagements. I have even sacrificed my long tresses for this job and my ambition to get a tattoo on my right arm seems like a distant dream now.
However, underneath this strict and no-nonsense shell of Sam lies a caring elder brother who makes sure that even the roughest weathers pass through him before touching his team.
* * *
“Come on Sam… it is the weekend today,” I say. “And moreover, I had shaved last night only…” I add.
“Then you better do something about your hyper-active hormones Aadi, that cause your facial hair to grow back so fast,” Sam strikes back.
I am stubborn, but I am not stupid. I know when to shut up during an argument – especially when there seems to be no chance of the decision going in my favor. I silently set out to finish my breakfast – if you can call that a breakfast.
* * *
“I have called the taxi and it is waiting for us outside the hotel,” Jose declares with a glance at his watch. That is typical Jose… always so particular and so perfect. Now that I have mentioned about this guy and since I have some time till we walk up to the taxi, let me take this opportunity to introduce my counterpart, Jose.
Jose is the perfect example of the good boy that we used to have as class-monitors in our schools.
He always wakes up in time in the morning, finishes all his tasks on time, shaves impeccably every day! And his clothes… his clothes are always formal… yes ALWAYS. Even on a weekend, Jose dresses up in a crisp ironed shirt and a pleated trouser. I sometimes wonder if this guy ever gets into his pajamas, or does he sleep in his business suit?
* * *
As we step out in the smoldering heat of the Middle East summers, Jose spots our taxi and runs towards it. This is when Sam slips something into my pocket and walks off. I dig into my pocket to extract a handful of dry fruits and nuts. I shout out to Sam, “Thanks for that…”
He winks at me and says, “I know that omelet won’t be able to sustain you for more than an hour dude… keep munching till I treat you guys to a grand Indian lunch today!” Popping an almond into my mouth, I follow him to the taxi.
“To the City Center,” Jose directs the driver. Each of us gets busy immediately in directing the AC vent towards our faces. Phew! This heat could roast a duck live on the streets…
“Where are you from?” the driver tries to strike a conversation.
“India,” Jose replies.
“Me from Pakistan,” the driver answers an unasked question.
In no time the conversation between the driver and Jose moves on from countries to Indian movies and Indian film stars. Sam chooses to be the silent spectator, while I wonder about the fact that how could the people from Pakistan who we meet abroad be so friendly with us and vice versa. If only our political leaders could take a few tips from us…
Pondering over this thought, I set out on my mission to hog down the dry-fruits given to me by Sam, before anybody else gets into the mood of munching on a few themselves. In no time we reach our destination and incidentally I too finish my extended breakfast.
* * *
As soon as we enter the mall, we look for directions towards the Carrefour. That’s our global favorite supermarket and on it we rely for our small ration of soft drinks and snacks for our stay during the business trips.
After entering Carrefour, Jose asks me to pick up some cold drink for him and strays away to the books section. Sam and I pick up a cart and begin our shopping expedition. An interesting thing to be pointed out at this moment is that both Sam and I are born shopaholics, and when it comes to this activity we can even put the female of our species to shame. After picking up the regular wafers, biscuits, juices, cold drinks and some chewing gum, we move towards the toys section.
“Why don’t you spend time at a section of your choice, while I pick up some toys for my daughter,” says Sam he adds.
I like the idea as I have pretty much no interest in the toys section.
“Okay then… Catch up with me at the electronics section,” saying this I move on.
* * *
I start looking for directions to the electronics section. That is when I notice a guy staring at my t-shirt with awe. By his attire I can make out that he is a resident of this country. I smile at him and move on…
As I pass by the clothes section, I walk past a mirror. Taking a few steps back I look at myself on the mirror and check if there is something on my t-shirt to attract attention. No… there isn’t.
My gaze travels to the background in the mirror… Oh my God! I see the same guy approaching me from a distance. I start contemplating what might the guy’s intentions be!
“Oh ok… now I understand things a bit clearly,” I explain to myself.
“After ages I have been working out in the gym during this long stay at the hotel. This short stint at the gym might have chiseled out my muscular body from my college body-building days…” I assume. “Moreover, this body-hugging t-shirt fails to be as modest as I am about my well puffed biceps…”
And I have read a lot about homosexuality being openly accepted in countries outside India. With this instance, things start falling into place. However, since my preferences are totally different from this guy’s, this situation calls for an SOS. I take bigger steps towards the electronics section now. On the way I pick up the cold drinks for Jose.
I am sure that the guy must have given up by now. Dropping the cold-drink cans in a cart, I push it towards the sign displaying “Computer Peripherals”.
There is a Sony external hard disk which I have been eyeing since a long while… let me find out if I can afford it with my savings this time.
Little did I know that I had heaved my sigh of relief a little too soon.
“Excuse me Mister!!” a voice booms from behind my back. I turn around and to my horror see the same guy approaching me. This fellow seems to be really desperate to get me.
I ignore his callout and rush towards the toy section. There I see Sam and Jose from a distance and rush to them in no time. Phew… now I am not alone.
“Hey Mister… I think you not hear me! I asking you to stop for so long!” the guy steps in right between me and my colleagues.
* * *
I tell myself, “it is all right Aadi… this man wouldn’t molest you in a public place.” I try all means to pacify myself. I can talk it out and explain to this guy that although I respect his thoughts and inclinations but I wouldn’t be interested in him.
“What’s wrong?” Sam comes out from behind this man. Jose is with him.
“Is he your friend?” the guy asks Sam pointing his finger at me.
“Yes, he is… why do you ask?” Sam retorts.
“Mister… your friend needs to take off his t-shirt RIGHT NOW… else I call the police!” the guy replies.
My jaw drops. I was 100% correct about this guy’s intentions. By now I start believing more in my super powers to judge people – just by looking at a person I can grasp what he is thinking about in no time. However, what bugs me at this situation is how can this guy threaten me so openly?!?
“And may I ask why?” Sam enquires.
“Because in our country alcohol is UNACCEPTABLE… and your friend is wearing a Heineken t-shirt,” he snaps back.
* * *
“What!” Sam, Jose and I gasp in unison.
“Buddy… my friend here is just wearing a Heineken t-shirt… he’s not drinking in public,” Jose tries to play the role of my advocate. Sam nods in agreement.
“I say take off t-shirt or I call police…” the guy adamantly stands by his words.
Finding my friends beside me, I too gather some courage.
“Yes Mister, I am not taking off this t-shirt… do whatever you want to do!” I find my lost voice.
“Oh is it? You are in deep trouble mister… deep trouble!” saying this he walks off.
I feel that I have scared away the idiot. My confidence melts down in no time when Jose whispers to me, “Aadi, I hope we haven’t taken a wrong step by messing around like this in an unknown territory!”
I try to shrug of my fear by saying, “No way Jose… what on earth can that guy do to us?” As soon as I complete my statement, I see the guy returning with two sturdy police men by his sides.
That is enough for my bravery… I look around, spot the nearest sign to the toilet, and flee from the ‘scene of crime’ in a jiffy. I did not see behind me but am sure that close on my heels are Sam and Jose.
* * *
Crashing into the toilet I heave a sigh of relief. Having taken such a twisted and turned path, I am sure that the two overweight policemen and the guy could never have chased me.
I look at my t-shirt in the mirror. Sam and Jose too stare from behind me.
“Take off the darn t-shirt”, Sam says. “You can be in your vest,” he adds.
“If only I would have worn a vest today!” I think out aloud.
“What!” Sam and Jose cry in chorus now. We all are getting better in this skill of exclaiming in accord.
Sam stares at me in fury. I am sure that if the local law doesn’t prosecute me for WEARING the Heineken t-shirt, Sam would certainly hang me for NOT WEARING a vest. In the sales-grooming lessons of Sam, “ALWAYS wear a vest!” was lesson number two – which came a close second after “Shave EVERYDAY!”
In sheer anxiety, I quickly take off my t-shirt. As I shed the piece of cloth from my body, a wee bit of smile curves up in Jose’s face.
“Eureka!” he screams.
I look at Jose in bewilderment. Sam reciprocates my feelings.
“Aadi… I have got an idea!” Jose shouts out in joy. “Just wear your t-shirt like it is now – inside out!” Jose explains.
I look down at my t-shirt. It has turned inside out while I was taking it off – and now it is nothing but a plain gray t-shirt. Without second thoughts I wear my inside out t-shirt and we catch the first taxi back to our hotel.
* * *
The journey back to the hotel is pretty uneventful with none of us uttering a single word throughout the entire drive. I presume that like me the other two are also just praying to their respective gods for saving our asses today.
We enter the hotel and after a brief adieu, head out to our respective rooms. I fish out my room key and swipe it to open the door to my room. All I need right now is a cool shower to loosen me up.
As I step into my room, I spot a white envelop lying at the entrance. I open it to find an invitation card:
--------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Sir,
As an esteemed club-member of our hotel, we would like to extend to you an invitation to the evening’s special event:
COCKTAIL PARTY!!!
Time: 8:00 PM to 12:00 AM
Venue: Falcon Heights (Rooftop Resto-bar)
Please note: Dress code is Formal for Ladies and Gents.
We look forward to see you there
(signed)
Sales Manager
Event sponsor: Heineken
--------------------------------------------------------------
So much for the ban in liquor in this country…
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